Twenty-Nine days in, and I am still stuck in body dysmorphia. Why can’t it just be easier to lose weight? I get it, I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), FMD (Fibromuscular Dysplasia), and I am not twenty anymore. I understand it is harder for me than others to lose weight, but it does not make me feel any better about the situation. It is a hard day today, and here are some of the roadblocks I have found that I do in which the journey is even harder:
- I feel punished. I cannot eat like other people because I am supposed to eat gluten and dairy-free. With PCOS, it is suggested not to eat a “poor man’s diet,” and although I find that term off-putting, the way it was described to me was not to eat white bread (high carbs), potatoes (starches), and high sugar fruit and snacks. I feel like I will never be able to eat these things, and then I do. It is not that I eat a ton, but even a little for me is too much. I have to remember I am not being punished for having PCOS and other medical conditions. There are people allergic to nuts and other foods, and they are not being punished either. I need to remember my body is just different.
- I am too concerned with the scale. I weigh myself daily, which can impact my mood. I try not to but then, even when I am doing the right things, but the scale is not showing the results, it can make me feel even worse about myself. I realize I give this object too much power.
- I have a drawer filled with the clothes I wore before my health issues began in 2016. I am not that same person from five years ago.
I am learning to be in acceptance which I see as an ongoing journey. I am making progress, not perfection, with the way my body is today. I have a partner who accepts me for me, and he loves my body no matter what, and he tells me that I need to see my body is perfect as it is. He means well, but this journey for me has been a long and hard one.
A new step I have taken to being kinder to me is I have just started the podcast “Body Image with Bri,” which I hope will help me be in more acceptance within my body no matter what I weigh or what size I wear.
Growth can be hard but without it you remain stuck and I want to grow. We only have this one life to enjoy.
Until next time….