Day 8 – All Due to a Christmas Card…

I’m on a limited budget and have 10 Christmas cards that I set aside for family and some close friends who to me, are like family. Doing these cards has brought up feelings I have toward some of my family. Part of me wanted to reach out to them and let them know that I’m not shallow and only care about money because that is what they think of me based on a event that happened a couple of years ago.

I wanted to tell them it wasn’t me who didn’t want them at a event, it was their granddaughter. I’m allowing them to keep believing it’s my fault they weren’t invited to her graduation to protect my daughter and because if that’s what they truly think of me then why would I want them close in my life more often than not?

Instead, I’ll continue to keep it light and polite. I love my father and step-mother but I don’t need to have them be active in my life all the time. My family in general isn’t close, something I’ve learned to live with but that doesn’t me I don’t love them and that doesn’t mean I wish things were different. I’m just in acceptance with the way that things are.

Sometimes I’m finding it’s better to just keep quiet.

One Week – Maybe I'm Back For Good?

Once upon a time, I had a blog, I had an awesome blog dedicated to family, living with PCOS, cooking and baking gluten-free and dairy-free, etc. I felt so good about my blog. I was contacted to write for other blogs and I felt good.

Rewind to the end of 2015 and almost half of 2016 when I was being gas-lighted when I was told to not blog about what was happening. I kept my blog anonymous. I never used names but the fighting about my truth caused me to DELETE my blog. I was cyber-stalked for a bit and people were watching my online activity. I lost my safety on social media. Even as I type this I’m afraid that my ex will read this and let me know he doesn’t approve of my blog. The sad thing is he shouldn’t be reading my blog or checking in on my blog.

I’ve recently had some feelings. Don’t we all hate when they come up and I again began to doubt myself? I’m a survivor, I’m doing it all over, I’m struggling and growing along the way and I’m my own person and answer to no one. I’m in a relationship with a man who is kind to me, who wants to communicate, and who won’t let me run BUT he has had to take on my self-doubt, questioning his motives, and uneasiness that comes from healing with what I’ve been through.

I don’t need to get into all of it but the result from the stress was a SCAD heart attack in 2016. Today though almost approaching 2020 I’ve grown so much, I’m in school full time and working two part-time gigs to get by, I’m showing my children that you can start over at any age, I’ve shown them what forgiveness looks like, not just for my ex but for myself, I haven’t always walked with grace, and I’m continuing to heal. Lately, for the past week, I’ve also been blogging again. It feels foreign but good.

I chose to write about this today because of the quote/image below. I know how it feels to have something I love feel stolen from me. I loved my old blog and felt good about it and I let someone tell me to delete it. I will never do that again.

Day 6 – Organized, a Must

Today I bring simply a couple of photos. I need to stay organized and I’m a planner. Just moved from one yearly planner to another.

I’m also tracking my food, water, and exercise so that I hold myself accountable.

Welcome to a view into my current week.