365 of 42…Day 24

Comfort zones. We all have them. They make us feel safe and for me it’s the women at the meetings I attend in the valley because they’re who I know and what I know and for me change is scary and I don’t want to be judged. Like anyone’s judging me because generally alcoholics are pretty self centered. Hence me worried what others will think of me.

Flash forward to this past Tuesday and attempting to sit in traffic for two plus hours to go to a meeting in the valley when of course there’s meetings everywhere. SO…I took my sponsors advice and decided to find a meeting near me and guess what party people I found one. 11 minutes and less than 3 miles I believe away from me and guess what else???? I was welcomed and deep within I knew I would be and even better I met a woman who told me about two other women’s meetings like five minutes away from me. Imagine that.

So tonight, walking through my own self centered fears I found that I can fit in anywhere when it comes to my program and I’m grateful that I walked through the fear because it was nice being in a room of women tonight hearing honesty and hearing things I so needed to hear.

Until next time…

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365 of 42…Day 22

Ok so I’m not so good at doing this daily and honestly I’m not too concerned. Since my heart attack I’ve been so much less the old Kat when it comes to trying to squeeze everything into a day when there’s always more time to get things done. So basically this challenge, my blog is important but I don’t want to be up at 11 doing it.

I’m working on balance. I’m working on doing one task at a time and finishing it. I really don’t see how in my previous life I worked, took care of two kids, my ex husbands practice, and volunteered while starting up a meet up and keeping up with my girlfriends. No wonder my body shut down. It’s too much for two people. It’s exhausting.

The good news is I’m embracing my flaws and doing what I can, slowly to change them. I’m keeping in contact with my support group so I have a sounding board when I feel I’m maybe doing too much. I’m walking through this new normal with as much grace as I can.

So a little self care check in:

1. Enjoying baths and not rushing out of them. Trying to unwind in them.

2. Doing a exercise class a week that is fun. No need to run if I can do aerial classes, stretching classes or ballet.

3. Not eating gluten and sticking to it. Since my heart attack also having PCOS I’ve gained 20 lbs and slowly I’ll lose the last 18 by making good food choices like I used to do.

4. Having alone time. I’m allowed to have some me time.

Really, if I look at my small behavioral changes I’m being good to myself. I spent 40 years being everything to everyone that I lost me and I’m so grateful life threw me curve ball and I’m learning to be there for me.

Until next time….

365 of 42…Day 19

Before we get into the exciting and yet terrifying topic of today “Bonding with your boyfriends daughter” let’s just say the days seem to be going by so quickly and though I’m using this blog as a forum to feel comfortable with blogging again after all I went through, which ultimately, did lead to me deleting this blog I’m trying to also be more present for my kids. SO there may be gaps in when I blog but the ultimate goal….365 of growth, realizations and happy times in my beautiful life. I mean I’m so grateful and lucky to be alive.

Onto day 19 and bonding. I was asked by my boyfriends daughter to get my nails done with her. After some research (a text to her mom) we arrived at the nail salon and luckily even though they usually only take appointments they took us both! Score 1 for luck. They remembered his daughter from her last visit with her mom this past week.

Let me just say….how incredibly uncomfortable I feel and I know over time this will change. So many thoughts going through my head because I don’t want her mom to ever think I’m trying to replace her BUT I do want to bond with their daughter. It’s obvious her father and I care for each other and I want to be a part of their kids life too so they know as well I’m not trying to take time away from their dad. Just like her father has spent time with my children and I see how my ex feels about our son really warming up to my boyfriend. I so understand that one day when my ex meets someone I’ll have feelings of insecurity too. I believe this is normal.

I feel so lucky as well that my children and my boyfriend’s children both have parents that love their kids very much. I’ve seen other divorced couples and it’s sad when a parent just cuts out. Our kids will never have to worry about this.

Back to today. As I sit here typing this while she finishes her manicure and pedicure I’ve heard her discuss a fake fashion show she’ll be in today, how’s she is left handed, and when complimented on her singing it’s nice to hear her own that. I’m grateful she’s warmed up to me and wanted me to join her. My hope is one day I won’t have this fear that I’ll do something wrong or say something wrong. I hope one day my young friend and I can have some girly fun with no cares at all.

Our feet look great!!

I opted out of a manicure but these nails look nice.

Until tomorrow?….