Days 4 & 5…

Yesterday was hard. I am struggling with not overreacting to situations I am sure others do not overreact to. I have a 12-year-old and 17 year old at home who like to test my patience. I feel that all I hear from either of them are excuses. Today was the best example of the week when said 12-year-old did not want to mess up his shoes and wanted to climb over my seat. As I caught him, there was a muddy shoe print there. Seriously, I cannot make this stuff up. I was able to stop a complete disaster, but I need a break from anyone under 18.

I’m curious if what I am experiencing is “Autistic Burnout.” I have read up on it and done some research online. I feel I do suffer from burnout quite often, but because I do mask, it may not seem like burnout to me, but instead, my nerves are on overload, and I feel, so anxiety driven and exhausted. I hate how this feeling is that I just want to run away, and I am set off so easily. Either way, I hope as I uncover more about autism and how it is different for each individual that, I can process life a little easier.

I know we do not want to wish anyone the feelings I feel, but I hope to find some comfort and familiarity with other women suffering from burnout. I want to know when it is ok to say, “I need to recharge,” and take a break from people. This also brings up my problem with boundaries and difficulty setting and sticking to them. I know I cannot be upset with others if I do not have firm boundaries set in place.

This journey is truly like an onion being peeled. Layer after layer, uncovering the Kat I really am.

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