Adventures in Tweenland, Bullying, Facebook, Etc.

April 15, 2012

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My daughter is no perfect angel but she’s not a bad girl either. She’s the girl that will be friends with people who are mean to her to hope that they’ll be nice to her. Lets just start there, oh and she’s 11.

My daughter will “joke” innocently on fb about things and others will call her a B**ch and other things. Her weight was talked about last night as well.

Yes, she did have a Facebook account until this morning. I thought it would be an innocent adventure. She got the account to play Farmville with her grandmother and one friend but then she was on often.

I kept rationalizing and letting her know if she didn’t do certain things than she would be allowed Facebook time. I began to notice how evil and mean some girls can become on Facebook and the things they call one and other. THANK GOD my daughter isn’t one of them BUT she is the receiver of their jokes and meanness. Yet, they seem to not be so evil in person but I know that is changing too.

She’s had issues this year with being hit by a teacher, the teacher admitting it, and then her “friends” being mean to her because he’s not there (took a leave of absence). Really these are her friends?

She wants to leave the school next year and we are hoping she gets into this other school but will not know until June. I’m just done with these girls and yes, these issues can be anywhere and if this was the only thing happening I’d have her do as we have been and stand up for herself the right way. Add in the teacher hitting her and the “death threat” email due to the teacher we are done. We have showed her to stay the rest of the year to show they didn’t get the better of her but she doesn’t have to be there next year.

Girls can be so much nastier when it comes to being mean to one and other. I’ve just decided I can’t and will not monitor her Facebook account any longer and it’s got to go.

She’s going to be very mad at me for a while but I’ve decided I will give up Facebook too for a while. I may go on once a week because I have a mommy group on there from when she was born and family but no Status updates. No sharing. Now I do have Foursquare and Twitter and Instagram that feed over but responses, if any will be once a week. Technology sucks us in at times, technology I didn’t have at 11, and I want to show her I don’t need to be on either.

Having a Tween girl is hard work. I heard it would be and I’m glad she isn’t one of the girls being nasty but it saddens me that she’s one of the ones being bullied. I don’t think that as mothers when we hold our babies we are going to have the child that is bullied. I think that if she were in 5th grade right now that things may be better for her. She’s one of the youngest 6th graders and she’s still so very young emotionally and I think this is why these “friends” push her around. I’m so sad for her but need to show her how to be a strong young woman, without Facebook and without those who are just plain right mean to her. She deserves so much more!

8 responses to “Adventures in Tweenland, Bullying, Facebook, Etc.”

themommypsychologist

Apr 15, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Good for you, Kat! I like that you decided you would do it with her. It seems less like you are “punishing” her then. Here’s the thing with bullying online: Although kids can be nasty and cruel face to face, the things that kids will say online are things they would never say to someone’s face. However, the online environment allows them to be so much more nasty. It has taken bullying to new terrible heights.

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1. MoiMeMoi ~ Kat
  
  Apr 16, 2012 at 2:53 am
  
  Thanks Heather. I think it’s terrible. My husband like you specializes in Tweens/Children and he’s told me what you have but I think it’s harder to hear from him and appreciate your feedback. He laughs at me and says I told you so when I say someone else said the same thing. I think it’s easier to hear from you or others and not him. I’m learning. It’s a process. I hope this week goes good for her. Have a great week!
  
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ollijoslin

Apr 15, 2012 at 11:50 pm

You are a good superb mama! Your daughter will be thanking you for this later. I know it.

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1. MoiMeMoi ~ Kat
  
  Apr 16, 2012 at 2:55 am
  
  Thanks Alia. She actually thanked me for deleting it and we’ve spent a lot of time together today and working on things for her. Very nice.
  
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Lourie

Apr 16, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Wow! She will be stronger for it. GEtting through it though….middle school is brutal. I am in the second run now. I would love to say high school will be easier…but I can’t say that yet. I hope she can get in that other school and find a group of girls who really are her friends. And and I am just speechless about that teacher. How did you not tear him a new one???

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1. MoiMeMoi ~ Kat
  
  Apr 17, 2012 at 12:48 am
  
  Thanks. We are looking into other schools and I’ve learned over time how to remain calm in regards to the teacher. I just found it ridiculous that people made excuses for him. Just wrong.
  
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Maribel Reyes

Apr 17, 2012 at 5:21 am

When I was 11 I began to be bullied {no internet those days} I was bullied every single day for 4 years non-stop. I would come home crying and asking my mother if I was contagious with a bad illness, she would always reply no. My mom and dad would always say “do not pay attention to them, they know nothing about you” “put your other side of your cheek” “ignore them because it is not true” I was told by my parents that if my grades didn’t improve by so and so I would be pulled out of my school and sent to another. That was considered a no no, nonetheless I sucked it up. For 4 years. On graduation day every single person in the 2 classes that graduated came up to me and said “thank you for putting up with this, you are a champ” adding to the bullying as if it were a contest of some sort. I decided right there and then I would start high school where no one knew me, so I did. My grades improved drastically, I lost all the extra weight and my acne dissapeared.

What I am saying with this little story is change will do her good, it will boost her confidence and will help her get stronger and mature. I wish your daughter didn’t have to go through this, it is the worst there is in school. I will keep her in my thoughts.

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1. MoiMeMoi ~ Kat
  
  Apr 17, 2012 at 1:06 pm
  
  Thank you for sharing your story. I don’t think people realize all the types of bullying children do go through. I’m hoping that a fresh start next year will do her some good. I never want her to feel bad about herself. I hope you’re doing great today and again, thank you!
  
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