It’s a yearly tradition to go to this show featuring Danny Elfman.  It’s a tradition with me and two friends.  This year I had to be honest that before this show I couldn’t afford to pay my ticket.  Life’s much different right  now.  I’m worried about how I will get by the next couple of weeks with certain bills due and a boy who needs a haircut (this is happening today, it has to).

Humility is good for us all to experience from time to time.  I think it keeps us grounded.  I was honest with my one friend that I couldn’t pay her until I received my grant around the 1st of November and it was nice to hear she still wanted me to go and I could pay her when I could.

I have to remember to accept kindness when living within my means and being honest where I am financially.  I used to be able to do whatever I pretty much wanted but life happened and for a while life is going to be much different.  I don’t like to ask for help either.  I don’t feel like I can return the help for some time and that makes me worry and feel guilt.  Even though I used to help others, it’s hard for me to accept help.

I can’t live in fear of how I’ll pay my bills or feed my children.  I have clothes that are old, with holes in sweaters, shoes that I need to purchase BUT I do actually have a lot of clothes and at this point I need to make do with what I’ve got or repair said clothes with holes and I have been doing this.

This is continuing to be a great and uncomfortable growth lesson and I hope it doesn’t always feel more bad than good.  I have to remember I’m doing this to better myself and my children and the outcome is what I need to be focused on.  Tomorrow I’m also starting a 40/40 day challenge.  I hope this too will help me declutter and be OK with me.