Years ago I was in a head on collision on the freeway during the rain.  I was the only one taken away in the ambulance.  I saw the front of my husbands car.  We were lucky.  This past summer I had a mass removed from my leg that formed over the years from the damage to my leg in that accident.  I have a pretty scar that reminds me of that accident and as I tell my daughter “Scars are stories”.

Forward a couple of years and I’m driving in Westwood and a man, yes in the rain again, turns right onto the street I’m on at full speed and hits me head on.  Yep, again.

Rain and I aren’t friends.  Not so much.  I’ve worked hard over the past 14 years to let other people drive me on the freeway.  Lets be honest to drive me anywhere.  The rule has been unless I’m going to fall asleep at the wheel you will not drive me.

Over the past 2 years I’ve allowed two girlfriends and my husband drive me on a freeway.  It was pure torture.  The anxiety felt is so there and hard to not show.

This past Thanksgiving trip we took I allowed (yes allowed not to be rude) my husband to drive a lot.  To see if I can keep quiet and sit through the fear.  I will say I did much better then I’ve done in previous years.  This does not mean I didn’t complain often about how close he was or made sure he was driving within the limits of what I find acceptable on the freeway.  He was trooper.

That will be the last time he drives me for a while.

Last night on my way home I was on the 10 W.  I never take the freeway from the valley home anymore and last night I did.  I did because I’ve been sick and wanted to get to Vons quicker to get home quicker and well…..Slamming of the breaks next to me from like 70 MPH to nothing.  I turn and look.  A large SUV is flying in the air (OK not flying but not on the ground) right towards me and if that car didn’t stop so loud and quickly I would have been in the direct path of that SUV.  I was able to swerve myself out of the way and wasn’t hit…Thank God BUT my fear is back full force.  The Highway Patrol called me for my eye witness report since I called 911 after I safely pulled over seeing the SUV slam into the center divider.  I asked if the people were OK.  They were going to be OK.

Today I tried to find out information online and I can’t seem to find any.

I’m so grateful to that driver in the Lexus next to me who didn’t realize how much they helped me last night.  I’m so glad at that moment they were there to slam on their brakes.  The SUV came from the right sideways and I was looking straight ahead.

Funny how something happening can trigger tons of old feelings.  My back and arms hurt today from my body tightening up but I know that’s all it is.  The stress of the event.

My goal is not to take 14 years to trust people to drive me.  Sounds funny but unless you’ve gone through something like this it’s hard to understand.  I know I’m not the only one with fear of freeways.  I’d be curious to see how others have walked through it.  Time to research.