I’ve not blogged on the Weight Loss Challenge or as I normally would because I’ve tried to not think too much about this Weight Loss Challenge.  I got very hard on myself, in tears over some weight gain that was probably muscle seeing I was fitting in clothes I couldn’t previously have worn.

I have a very hard time with my weight because of HOW overweight I was.  Yes, it was because of a disease but did society care?  No, I heard comments about my weight, felt uncomfortable in certain situations, cried when trying clothes on, etc.  I felt so alone in how I felt.  Now I feel it again because some don’t see why I’m so scared of being so overweight again, a disease caused the weight gain, a disease I still have.  I need to lose 14 more lbs. to get to Pre-Liam weight.  I can do it but I have to remember that 14 lbs. total is much harder to lose than say 100 lbs.   When I was 100 lbs. overweight I was able to lose weight quickly because I had so much to lose.  I have to remember that it’s those last lbs. that are the hardest to lose and to not beat myself up.

My husband worries I will end up with a eating disorder which in some ways others have worried.  Going from thin to 100 lbs. overweight to thin again makes me SO SCARED to ever gain weight.  My pregnancy was so hard.  I couldn’t face the scale when they weighed me.  In my head I kept seeing the moi 100 lbs. overweight or becoming her again.  I never want to be her again.  I remember how mean and judgmental people are to overweight people.  I think society is kinder to ex-drug addicts.  It seems people in recovery get forgiven and overweight people are judged for eating too much which IS NOT the case for all overweight people.

I’m happy to report that I’ve found really eating more protein, exercise, not eating after dinner, lots and I mean lots of water is what is helping me lose the last of the Liam weight.  I will still have the extra skin but there is nothing I can do about that.  I’ve tried, even with a personal trainer kicking my butt.  I don’t have 42k for the full body lift so that is out.  I have to become more comfortable with me.  The last two weeks has started me getting there and I hope to continue on this path and #iwillrockthis

OH yeah and I lost 1.2 lbs. last week.  It’s still coming off but slowly and that’s how it should be.