PCOS Blues

I hate PCOS. Fact.

I was feeling good about losing some of my heart attack weight. I was down 10 lbs. of the 58 I needed to lose after the heart meds I was on caused rapid weight gain.

I didn’t plan right for a weekend and gained 7 lbs. Over a weekend. No joke and I don’t over eat. I just ate gluten like a dumb-ass. Here’s the thing, I’m also trying intuitive eating. Because of PCOS and all I’ve gone through I deprive myself…a lot. I’ve learned to live that way and for the most part it’s not an issue. I’ve learned through this experience that I just can’t have gluten. Even in little amounts. Gluten and I are not friends. We have to break up. My body holds onto whatever I eat with gluten, I don’t process it right in my body, I feel bloated and gross for days.

I also have on top of it all Reactive Hypoglycemia. My sugar will crash when I have sugary foods or foods high in fat. I never have high blood sugar just low. I think this is because of the gastric bypass I had in 2007. The surgery that didn’t cure the PCOS but helped. The surgery that I blame my health decline on. The surgery in some ways I’m still grateful for…even with these issues.

I’m NOT giving up. I’m writing this for those who may also struggle with PCOS, I need to be passionate about this again. I have body dysmorphic disorder and I can’t let it win. Know that the weight, though harder for some, will come off. I’m not, after all my hard work letting PCOS win. I’ve already pre-packed for a short trip to the mountains for the 4th of July…No gluten for me, intuitive eating, keto friendly, and living my best life even when PCOS wants me to feel horrible about myself, I won’t let it.

Until next time.

Moving Forward…

So, in my quest to living life I stopped my heart medications.  Yes, I sure did.  I was only on these certain medications to replace the nitroglycerin I was taking that was giving me migraines.  Did I mention that since my heart attack I’m not allowed to take my good ole’ migraine medications so it was migraines or medications.  For a bit I did go with the medications until I realized it was both meds that caused my rapid weight gain.  You see I had this issue before with Provera for my PCOS.  So long story short I’m back on the nitroglycerin and living with the migraines.

Which brings me to I’ve now lost 8 lbs and have kept it off so far.  I’m back at the gym and I owe my gym success to Game of Thrones and that I’d have never watched before.  You see it helps to pass the time on the treadmill. I kid but it really does help as at time waster while working out.

The real test if I can continue this work out regime is the pass I was gifted for two weeks ends in a couple of days so I will have to do outside workouts and you know, I may enjoy it more.  We shall see.

I’m going to the gym today.  My head keeps trying to get me to back out but after I’ve gone for the 30-40 minutes I feel good when I leave.  I feel like I look super fat when I’m at the gym and that I’m the only one there who looks this way.  I want to get to a point where I don’t feel this way.  It’s hard work this self care game.

So to end this update and I hope to dig deeper into blogging again is this is where I’m at:

Still in school full time, still working some place that doesn’t make me happy but I know isn’t permanent, eating mini meals and gluten free, not beating me up if I fail on a meal because really, it’s not worth it, trying daily to do at least one thing kind for me including some form of exercise, being a great mother, partner, and friend, AND knowing that my past doesn’t define me.  What I do today defines me.  Today, I’m working on a better me even on the days it doesn’t feel good.

OMG She’s on a roll…

Time to hold myself accountable on this quest to lose my heart attack weight while living with my friend who keeps on giving PCOS.  I’ve been good since my last post about no gluten.  However; that night I epic failed because ordering late caused me to eat gluten so I added no food after 8pm because my good thinking disappears.  So since the morning after my last post I’ve been 100% gluten free.

I’ve found that eating no gluten is helping me get back into being good to me food wise.  I’ve found snacks I used to enjoy, I’ve saved money having to eat at home more and I’m feeling less bloated.  Imagine, just eating the way suggested to me is helping me to physically feel better.

As I continue my quest to lose my heart attack weight while battling PCOS I will start to again post recipes and ways I’m good to me.  I’m grateful that I found my purpose with this blog which is what it started as years ago.  I miss my old blog but with life events it is gone but I’m so grateful I can start over.  We can always start over.