365 of 42…Day 22

Ok so I’m not so good at doing this daily and honestly I’m not too concerned. Since my heart attack I’ve been so much less the old Kat when it comes to trying to squeeze everything into a day when there’s always more time to get things done. So basically this challenge, my blog is important but I don’t want to be up at 11 doing it.

I’m working on balance. I’m working on doing one task at a time and finishing it. I really don’t see how in my previous life I worked, took care of two kids, my ex husbands practice, and volunteered while starting up a meet up and keeping up with my girlfriends. No wonder my body shut down. It’s too much for two people. It’s exhausting.

The good news is I’m embracing my flaws and doing what I can, slowly to change them. I’m keeping in contact with my support group so I have a sounding board when I feel I’m maybe doing too much. I’m walking through this new normal with as much grace as I can.

So a little self care check in:

1. Enjoying baths and not rushing out of them. Trying to unwind in them.

2. Doing a exercise class a week that is fun. No need to run if I can do aerial classes, stretching classes or ballet.

3. Not eating gluten and sticking to it. Since my heart attack also having PCOS I’ve gained 20 lbs and slowly I’ll lose the last 18 by making good food choices like I used to do.

4. Having alone time. I’m allowed to have some me time.

Really, if I look at my small behavioral changes I’m being good to myself. I spent 40 years being everything to everyone that I lost me and I’m so grateful life threw me curve ball and I’m learning to be there for me.

Until next time….

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Once Upon A Time….She Was Type A….

Once upon a time there was me and I was a Type A.

It was quite normal for me to work, take care of my ex-husbands practice, volunteer (over volunteer), plan in detail for too many things, make time to see friends, etc. and look like I was doing it all with ease.

Flash forward to today….since my heart attack I feel so disorganized.  Beyond even.  I don’t feel like the Kat I was.  I’m told to learn to accept my new “NORMAL”.  No, honestly I don’t want to accept this new normal.  I’m not thrilled that I have such low beats per minute at times that I am so tired, I hate that I forget to take care of things, I’m over not having patience like I used to, I resent that this happened to me.

However; it’s not always this way and I truly do try and stay in acceptance for my new normal.  I try hard daily to accept that I can’t remember things the way I used to, that one day I will find a new normal and lets be real…..My old normal wasn’t normal.  I over did it.  I took care of everyone BUT me.  My new normal will need to have balance and self care.  I had this A-Ha moment tonight that what I lacked during my old normal was self care.  I saw tonight that what I went through in my marriage and life in general it was a lot to handle without support.  I never asked for help.  I lacked self care.

So the thing that keeps coming up for this post is change.  Change is hard.  Change takes us to the other side.  Changing my beliefs of who I need to be to feel like I matter or that I’m a good person was so skewed that I lost me, snapped and became someone I wasn’t, started to find me and in the end trying to hold onto a relationship that wasn’t meant to be caused me to have a heart attack.  Stress, type a woman and I could have died.  I’ve learned new things about me through this change and I’ve learned and continued to learn that I’m good no matter what job I have, how much I volunteer, or what I do for others.  I’m learning outside of my kids and even before them I need to matter.  I need self care and need to let go of the type a person I used to be.

Until next time…

Yes!!!

I was diagnosed with an amazing disease at 40. Micro Cardiovascular Disease.  I got pretty bitter and did a whole lot of “Why ME’s” and got very angry at what my ex did right after my heart attack especially since I just had a heart attack BUT now….I have a disease that can end my life whenever it wants to & I want to live. I lost my blog that I loved for reasons that I don’t need to rehash and I think I finally found what I’m going to turn this blog into. 

I want to blog about my disease and the good, the bad, and all in-between. This includes life and all that goes into it. There’s going to be so much and it makes me excited to blog again. My old blog began about PCOS and really grew and gave others hope. I want to give hope to others who may be moms with heart disease. We aren’t alone. 

I was hospitalized over the weekend again with the reality of a possible angiogram again. While in cardiac icu I realized how angry I still was but I can’t be. It’s not good for me. 

So onto Kat’s Living Adventure. So far my 40th year has been hard but I think it’s really been just to show me how strong I am and it’s not all been bad. I’ve had some amazing times this year and I’m looking forward to many more. 

This entries photo is of the reality my disease sometimes comes with. This is sometimes my reality. Until next time which will be so soon….