Hello Body Dysmorphia..You suck Mr. Kaiser Physician & Being my own advocate, always!

I recently changed healthcare insurance. Through work I now have Kaiser. My first experience with Kaiser was not good. I’ve gone through a lot since 2016. Before that my PCOS was under control and I was a happy size 6/8 from 2007 to 2017. Fast forward to now and I recently stopped heart medications that caused rapid weight gain. I’ve lost six pounds since then. It’s a much slower process when I can’t work out the way I want with Fibromuscular Dysplasia and having PCOS. However, I am doing it. I will get back down to my pre-SCAD (Sudden Coronary Artery Dissection) Heart Attack weight. Back to the physician…

This physician informed me that he’s known 10 people who’ve had gastric bypass and all 10 gained their weight back. He let me know medication and PCOS aren’t valid reasons for weight gain and he enrolled me in Weight Management classes. Did I mention I declined those classes?

I did have a good second experience with Kaiser and the OBGYN assigned to me is going to help me find a PCP who understands my conditions and doesn’t loop everyone who may need to lose weight into one bucket.

Do these physicians not understand that people aren’t all the same? Do they not know that someone like myself can walk into their office and leave with their body dysmorphia heightened because of the way they speak to a patient they’ve only met once? This brought me right back to being sent home in the middle of my heart attack because “I didn’t look like someone who would have a heart attack”. If I went into today would they have taken me seriously? I just don’t understand.

My blog will be more about PCOS again. I can’t be the only one who gets this kind of treatment from physicians, I can’t be the first one who works so hard to be told insensitive things. It makes me so angry and sad how I and so many are judged. I don’t have to defend myself and my eating habits and I don’t need to be judged without truly knowing my medical history. I need support from my physician and unfortunately, my first experience with Kaiser wasn’t that.

Here’s to being my own advocate and continuing to fight for me and my health.

I Feel Pretty…Oh So Pretty…

You know the jingle. Today though I felt pretty. This doesn’t happen a lot but I’m working on self acceptance. So, I lived in the moment and felt good about me. It’s a nice feeling. It’s growth.

She Completed What?

Year One of college is in the books. Okay, not until Monday when I take my final quiz for the Political Science class I can’t wait to put behind me. Still, I’ve received all A’s and B’s this past year and accomplished more than I thought I could.

I’m so grateful, so grateful that I’m doing this for me. In my past life I did for everyone BUT me. I put my ex through school because if he completed school we’d be okay, I over volunteered because if I wasn’t busy I wasn’t accomplishing anything, and I overworked because I felt if I looked successful I would be accepted more by my father and that I then would have escaped my lower middle class upbringing. So as you can see in my past life I was doing for everyone BUT me and now I’m doing this all for ME.

I’m doing this for myself and for my children. I want my two kids to know that you can start over at any time and that it’s OK to not be OK sometimes. It’s okay to grow gracefully and sometimes not so gracefully but in the end you are bettering yourself.

This past year financially has been very hard, I won’t lie but I know the payoff, when I’m done with school I will be financially secure again. I was at one point financially secure but I was working a job I felt I couldn’t leave and I was not in a happy marriage. Now I’m bettering me and it’s hard sometimes. It’s hard wondering if I’ll have all my bills paid, it’s hard to say no to my son when he wants new toys or wants to see a movie but I’ve also found that my children know I’m working hard for them. I’m a good mother, I really believe this.

So, today, this post isn’t about weight but it’s about the good. The good that comes from taking care of myself and I’m enjoying the process.

Until next time…be good to you.