Day 9 in a time of Covid-19…

Day 9 was rough.

The boy made it through his online class with his teacher and classmates but it went downhill from there and I didn’t have it in me to argue with him. First day of my aunt flow visiting also seemed to come yesterday which means my heart & body get out of whack. Low heart rate isn’t good for anyone.

I made it through work and school work. Little victories. This doesn’t mean I don’t take my sons education seriously. It means that we did other things yesterday. It also doesn’t mean it was easy for me to get work and school work done. It took me until 8:30 pm to finish 3 hours of my work, for my employer and it took until about 10 pm to finish my school work. My little victories happened at the end of the day and many naps did happen. My body just needed it.

We did do other things as I said, you know between naps and work. While the girl was entertaining the new guinea pigs that moved in next door with the hot neighbor (my boyfriend) the boy and I did water play in the backyard and I cleaned my succulent area. We spent some good time outdoors laughing and having fun. Sometimes, you just need to have fun. With not being able to get out right now it’s nice to get creative outside. We even ended the day with another walk around the block.

We had dinner for breakfast and enjoyed it outside in the backyard with a nice fire. Smores were even made and planning a prank on the bonus daughters dad (the boyfriend) began. I mean the boy got me a day early for April Fools. He was a little evil genius and had the TV look like it was cracked and made a sound to have me think so and when I looked I was freaking out until he instantly laughed, but he got me, that boy got me good.

It was rough I say because I wasn’t feeling good. Again, I’m sure I’m not the only woman, when her monthly cycle comes feels off BUT again, for me it really does play a part in my day. I don’t like feeling lethargic and off. I don’t like my heart rate getting low. My body, since my heart attack really does get wonky at times. Like anything else though…This too shall pass and I will feel good again.

Enjoy some pictures below of the good from the day. There’s always good. Until tomorrow be good to you…

Water Play with the boy.
All cleaned up.
The Hot Neighbor getting the fire ready.
The girl is under there. She’s really making it hard for me to get a photo of her.
Sunset & Home

Day 19/20 – Affirmations

I’m trying affirmations to myself all throughout the day. Like when I’m walking from one place to another, when I’m standing in line, on hold equals saying something good about me. I also am trying to visualize what I want weight wise. A friend told me holding onto weight is protection and I know I’m protecting myself from the pain I felt before and so I need to really let myself feel. I need to not hide and I hope these affirmations help me on my journey. I’m such a work in progress. What are little things you do daily for your self care?

One Week – Maybe I’m Back For Good?

Once upon a time, I had a blog, I had an awesome blog dedicated to family, living with PCOS, cooking and baking gluten-free and dairy-free, etc. I felt so good about my blog. I was contacted to write for other blogs and I felt good.

Rewind to the end of 2015 and almost half of 2016 when I was being gas-lighted when I was told to not blog about what was happening. I kept my blog anonymous. I never used names but the fighting about my truth caused me to DELETE my blog. I was cyber-stalked for a bit and people were watching my online activity. I lost my safety on social media. Even as I type this I’m afraid that my ex will read this and let me know he doesn’t approve of my blog. The sad thing is he shouldn’t be reading my blog or checking in on my blog.

I’ve recently had some feelings. Don’t we all hate when they come up and I again began to doubt myself? I’m a survivor, I’m doing it all over, I’m struggling and growing along the way and I’m my own person and answer to no one. I’m in a relationship with a man who is kind to me, who wants to communicate, and who won’t let me run BUT he has had to take on my self-doubt, questioning his motives, and uneasiness that comes from healing with what I’ve been through.

I don’t need to get into all of it but the result from the stress was a SCAD heart attack in 2016. Today though almost approaching 2020 I’ve grown so much, I’m in school full time and working two part-time gigs to get by, I’m showing my children that you can start over at any age, I’ve shown them what forgiveness looks like, not just for my ex but for myself, I haven’t always walked with grace, and I’m continuing to heal. Lately, for the past week, I’ve also been blogging again. It feels foreign but good.

I chose to write about this today because of the quote/image below. I know how it feels to have something I love feel stolen from me. I loved my old blog and felt good about it and I let someone tell me to delete it. I will never do that again.