Today began the first day of medications along with vitamins. Oh so many pills taken today. The silver lining is I am going to be feeling better. I’m so over my health restricting me from the life I want to live.
I began a different blog in 2007. The year I had gastric-bypass to help with the weight gain from PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome). The surgery worked! I lost all the weight and then some and I got regular cycles and even conceived my second child without any issues but that didn’t mean the PCOS was gone.
In 2016 I suffered a SCAD Heart Attack after a very rough part of my life. The darkest part of my life for that matter. Though my heart attack had nothing to do with a typical heart attack and I was sent home at the beginning of my heart attack because “I didn’t look like someone having a heart attack” being thin and in pretty good health and it took me going back for them to take me seriously I was still put on medications for high blood pressure since I was then diagnosed with Fibromuscular Dysplasia and Micro Cardiovascular Disease. Both affect the arteries and cause me to be at high risk for another heart attack or stroke.
From the use of these medications, I gained 60 pounds. As someone with body dysmorphia from the rapid weight gain and loss, this is hard on me. Why? People are cruel to overweight people and ASSUME that they overeat and don’t exercise and don’t care for themselves. This is 100% not always true. There are many health conditions that cause weight gain. PCOS being one of them and my PCOS is also in full swing again and I am also not absorbing nutrients. From all of this, I’ve tried to exercise and do things correctly based on my medical history but have not been able to since my body is out of whack.
I finally gave up doing this all alone and met with my primary care physician who then had me getting iron infusions, meeting with my cardiologist, and meeting with my new neurologist. Between all of my doctors, I am on new medications and a ton of supplements (photo and daily schedule below) that will help me feel human again and help my body to lose weight. My primary also let me know my body has gone into shock and when it does this a body will hold onto weight. I am willing to do as instructed so that I can get back a part of me I lost with my heart attack. I was active and felt good. Right now I don’t feel so good. My hope is that by doing as instructed by my medical team that over time my body will get back to a good place.
I want to be an example, as I was before that we can recover. It is not always easy, the path to healing but I know, as I have done it before, it can be done. To keep me accountable I will be utilizing the blog that I pay for and ignore. When I blogged my journey before I wrote on the struggles and the triumphs. I posted gluten and dairy-free recipes. I was living life and my blog turned into something different than it started as. My hope, as I continue to heal and really take care of my medical needs that I can get my blog there. I hope that seeing my journey can help others with PCOS or SCAD Survivors see it can get better. It isn’t a quick process and I need to remember that too. I am ready to see where this journey takes me and I’m grateful to have you along.
Get ready…here we go…
My goodness, yesterday focused around the fact that I ate so poorly. Gluten is NEVER my friend but I couldn’t stop yesterday. I am still trying to figure it out. I really hated how it made me feel but I couldn’t stop. I feel so out of control internally right now. Like I don’t know which way is up. I know it’s day two of my monthly cycle but yesterday I just felt so powerless. Like anything and days before I do have a new day today. It’s the first time in my 44 years around the world that I thought “am I emotionally eating?”. I know I was lazy yesterday too. I made it into the office to switch out work but I fought to get my 5 hours in. Here’s to a new day…
I skipped my workout yesterday which means two today. I’m OK with that. One thing I noticed yesterday is that I’ve been keeping to my 5 days a week (ok really 5 workouts a week). I’ve been doing 5 workouts a week for 4 weeks now. That my friends is progress and even though I sucked on the food front yesterday I can say I am doing something good for me. I think, especially right now when being told to shelter in place that exercise is good for the soul. It’s at least keeping me going.
The boy skipped school yesterday, you know keeping in with my day. Ha! Seriously though, today he has a day of school to complete and tomorrow. Since I’m the teacher right now I gave him the day off. We also found out yesterday that the state of California is closing schools until the end of the school year (maybe this was my trigger for poor eating yesterday?). This overwhelmed this homeschooling mom because I, myself am a full time college student and I’m a employee as well. It’s hard enough trying to get the boy to stay focused but I have to arrange so much into my/our day. Today, not only is it packed with 4th grade fun but I also have school work to complete, a lot of it and 4-6 hours of work too.
Yesterday was hard and I’m not the only one having a hard time. My hope by blogging daily is to show others they are not alone. We are all struggling with this new normal. My silver lining for yesterday was my rent for April was paid. I’m grateful I was able to pay my rent when so many are not. I’m grateful I have my job still when so many are out of work. In this time of Covid-19 we need to remember the little things and even though I didn’t feel good about yesterday I did have some good. I did end the day watching Onward with my two kids. I ended my day surrounded by loved ones and I’m grateful we are all safe and I’m so sorry for all those who’ve lost people.