Hello Body Dysmorphia..You suck Mr. Kaiser Physician & Being my own advocate, always!

I recently changed healthcare insurance. Through work I now have Kaiser. My first experience with Kaiser was not good. I’ve gone through a lot since 2016. Before that my PCOS was under control and I was a happy size 6/8 from 2007 to 2017. Fast forward to now and I recently stopped heart medications that caused rapid weight gain. I’ve lost six pounds since then. It’s a much slower process when I can’t work out the way I want with Fibromuscular Dysplasia and having PCOS. However, I am doing it. I will get back down to my pre-SCAD (Sudden Coronary Artery Dissection) Heart Attack weight. Back to the physician…

This physician informed me that he’s known 10 people who’ve had gastric bypass and all 10 gained their weight back. He let me know medication and PCOS aren’t valid reasons for weight gain and he enrolled me in Weight Management classes. Did I mention I declined those classes?

I did have a good second experience with Kaiser and the OBGYN assigned to me is going to help me find a PCP who understands my conditions and doesn’t loop everyone who may need to lose weight into one bucket.

Do these physicians not understand that people aren’t all the same? Do they not know that someone like myself can walk into their office and leave with their body dysmorphia heightened because of the way they speak to a patient they’ve only met once? This brought me right back to being sent home in the middle of my heart attack because “I didn’t look like someone who would have a heart attack”. If I went into today would they have taken me seriously? I just don’t understand.

My blog will be more about PCOS again. I can’t be the only one who gets this kind of treatment from physicians, I can’t be the first one who works so hard to be told insensitive things. It makes me so angry and sad how I and so many are judged. I don’t have to defend myself and my eating habits and I don’t need to be judged without truly knowing my medical history. I need support from my physician and unfortunately, my first experience with Kaiser wasn’t that.

Here’s to being my own advocate and continuing to fight for me and my health.

PCOS Blues

I hate PCOS. Fact.

I was feeling good about losing some of my heart attack weight. I was down 10 lbs. of the 58 I needed to lose after the heart meds I was on caused rapid weight gain.

I didn’t plan right for a weekend and gained 7 lbs. Over a weekend. No joke and I don’t over eat. I just ate gluten like a dumb-ass. Here’s the thing, I’m also trying intuitive eating. Because of PCOS and all I’ve gone through I deprive myself…a lot. I’ve learned to live that way and for the most part it’s not an issue. I’ve learned through this experience that I just can’t have gluten. Even in little amounts. Gluten and I are not friends. We have to break up. My body holds onto whatever I eat with gluten, I don’t process it right in my body, I feel bloated and gross for days.

I also have on top of it all Reactive Hypoglycemia. My sugar will crash when I have sugary foods or foods high in fat. I never have high blood sugar just low. I think this is because of the gastric bypass I had in 2007. The surgery that didn’t cure the PCOS but helped. The surgery that I blame my health decline on. The surgery in some ways I’m still grateful for…even with these issues.

I’m NOT giving up. I’m writing this for those who may also struggle with PCOS, I need to be passionate about this again. I have body dysmorphic disorder and I can’t let it win. Know that the weight, though harder for some, will come off. I’m not, after all my hard work letting PCOS win. I’ve already pre-packed for a short trip to the mountains for the 4th of July…No gluten for me, intuitive eating, keto friendly, and living my best life even when PCOS wants me to feel horrible about myself, I won’t let it.

Until next time.

Limbo…

It’s been a while since I’ve updated but it’s because I’m in limbo.  I was doing so well, I thought and eating right (still am) but I’m not losing weight.  Could be PCOS, could be I’m over 40, could be that I’m so out of shape.  It could be a lot of things but it makes for me to feel so discouraged.  So, I’m upping my out of shape game and going to focus on adding in exercise more.  Previously, I didn’t need to do this.  I ran, sure but I was able to just eat right and keep the weight off.  I’m 43 now so maybe my bodies changed and possibly the medications I’m on for my artery conditions are playing a part.  My sugars keeping going low as well, even after I eat.

My silver lining is that I’ve seen my doctor, brought him a list of questions and he told me he was sorry I wasn’t losing weight.  I know the logical things that can be happening but having PCOS and two rare artery conditions it’s nice to sometimes hear “I’m sorry”.

He’s running a bunch of tests.  My body dysmorphia is making it really hard for me to feel like I’m never going to get back down to my pre-heart attack weight.  I can’t and won’t be overweight like I was in the early years of PCOS.  Unless you’ve been through what I have you wouldn’t understand.  I’ve learned as well maybe certain people are the only ones to discuss these things with.  Even people, friends and family who care about you may not understand and it makes it hard.

I’ve found too that when I feel this way I want to eat bad.  For me eating bad is eating gluten or dairy.  I don’t overeat and people notice that but I feel eating the way I’ve been told not to is eating bad.

So my update is I’m a mess, I’m in limbo.  I won’t always be.  I will grow and I will update this blog more.  You never know, one of you may be feeling as I do and seeing me not give up could help.