Kats Living Adventure…Indeed

Where do I begin? Let’s start with yesterday I made it to 21 years sober. That’s literally half my life. Through my sobriety I’ve been through a ton of good and a ton of bad and right now life is in session.

I’ve so not been good with keeping up with my blog and you know I’m not beating myself up. I have found what I’ll be using my blog for. My blog that used to be filled with PCOS info, gluten and dairy free yummy goodness and life as I knew it will now be a whirlwind of….

  • Living with PCOS
  • Living with heart disease
  • Struggling as a single mom in school full time so I can better myself and show my kids you can start over.
  • Co-Parenting
  • New relationship adventures
  • Life as I know it with some fun and growing pains

Right now I’m so struggling. Half the time I want to give up. I get sad that I lost me and that my kids have so much with my ex and he’s a good dad to them but I feel cheated.

My weight is a HUGE issue for me right now as well. Living barely week to week I can’t afford the way I need to eat and it’s hard because with PCOS I’m supposed to eat gluten and dairy free and when my kids are with me I need to cook for them. I never want to be fat again. I would rather die. Sad fact but true. I remember how I was treated and looked down upon and I won’t go back to living like that. Tonight I bought myself healthy food and though it will cost more I have to eat right for my health and especially since my soon to be 18 year old was also diagnosed with PCOS.

Good news is I’m in school. It’s so different not attending in over 20 years but it makes me feel good about me and this fall I’ll be taking ballet again. Silver lining for when I feel low about myself.

The man I met, it’s been almost two years of us being together. He’s good to me but I worry I’m not good enough. I felt that way in my last relationship as well. This may just be a me, self esteem issue. Alanon is my friend still.

This was a mess of a post but it’s a start.

Daily or often I want to chronicle what it’s really like starting over. The good and bad of it all. One moment and sometimes one heart beat at a time.

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365 of 42…Day 16

It’s 11pm and I’m getting my me time. Sometimes having kids means less time for me as a single mom. It means my personal life falls to the wayside when I’m making sure in my week with them that they have a lot of quality time with me. It means sometimes falling asleep at 8:30 pm holding my seven year old until he falls asleep and then waking at 10:30 wide awake when I need to get up at 5:30 the next morning.

I wouldn’t trade my life however. I’m grateful to be mom to these two kids. I’m grateful that they love me so much. I’m grateful that I survived my heart attack to watch them grow up.

It means that the week they’re with their dad I miss them so much.

So today I reflect on single mom quality problems and really they’re not.

Until tomorrow.

365 of 42…Day 4

LEGO’s and falling asleep in the bath….

I promised the boy I’d finish his LEGO’s spaceship thing from Star Wars tonight and I did. Last time I tried to complete a large LEGO adventure I cried, I cursed, and I wished he (the boy) was a girl as the girl never wanted LEGO’s. Anyhow, this time it was actually relaxing for me. Like a way to unwind because I do too much still to this day and I doubt anytime soon I’ll get better at saying no. So I did, I relaxed and then I knew that a nice hot bath would make the night even more perfect &…….

I so fell asleep in the tub to be woken up by the boy who had to use the bathroom. Was it the LEGO’s or lack of slow down that helped me fall asleep? I will never know. I’m not saying falling asleep in the tub is ok, it’s not. I’m saying by letting go of being type a somewhat I was able to enjoy LEGO’s and what people call a relaxing bath.

Until tomorrow. (I so made this)