It is no secret I have fought hard not to let PCOS define me. It is no secret I suffered a SCAD heart attack while thin, causing me to be sent home during a said heart attack because “I didn’t look like someone having a heart attack.”
Fast forward to today. I get the gift of COVID while attending an outdoor music festival. This festival celebrated that I survived 17 units of college while working and being a mom to two kids, well, three by the end of the semester. I attended the festival to start my week off before summer school, and then a facial would end my week. No, instead, I’m writing this post and changing things.
I have done pretty well with my friend COVID. I have not had a fever since Friday am, and other than being tired, I was good. I received the call yesterday that my doctors want me on a prescription called Paxlovid. They said I am considered high risk. I have Fibromuscular Dysplasia and have a dissection in my neck right now. I figure, though, they assume I’m an untreated diabetic because I take metformin and Victoza. So this little visit from COVID now woke my body dysmorphia.
I wish I had the calm in me like those who accept their bodies for how they are. It would be awesome to feel good about my body like Lizzo. I am not anywhere near feeling good about my body. The previous judgment for either being thin or obese has shown me the judgment one can receive based on their body size or physicians not reading an individual’s medical history.
I write this because I don’t want to go to a dark place. I write this because I know I am not the only one who has felt judged by the medical field. I write this because I do not like my body today. I write this because these feelings are not facts. I will keep writing on my journey: the good and the bad. My hope is one day, I can be happy in my skin and not worry about judgment. It looks like it took a COVID medication to get me writing. So be it.
Ever have one of those “my couch and me are connected at the waist” kind of days? This is my day and why I’m doing my post earlier because this day is done. Proof some days are just off.
I swapped out items at work, worked a total of 3 hours today. Tomorrow I’ll do 3.5 and I’m ok with that. I was sooo tired today, upset tummy this morning, and around lunch my sugar was low. It was just a day where my body wanted rest. You know I’m not me today because I watched Swamp People and enjoyed it. Reality TV is weird.
Highlights though…being called a dorky mom at times, box of veggies with bonus toilet paper from Tender Greens, made some yummy veggie soup, supported a mom and pop grocery store and rested. Will have to do two more workouts tomorrow but I’ll have the weekend off. Until tomorrow….
I recently changed healthcare insurance. Through work I now have Kaiser. My first experience with Kaiser was not good. I’ve gone through a lot since 2016. Before that my PCOS was under control and I was a happy size 6/8 from 2007 to 2017. Fast forward to now and I recently stopped heart medications that caused rapid weight gain. I’ve lost six pounds since then. It’s a much slower process when I can’t work out the way I want with Fibromuscular Dysplasia and having PCOS. However, I am doing it. I will get back down to my pre-SCAD (Sudden Coronary Artery Dissection) Heart Attack weight. Back to the physician…
This physician informed me that he’s known 10 people who’ve had gastric bypass and all 10 gained their weight back. He let me know medication and PCOS aren’t valid reasons for weight gain and he enrolled me in Weight Management classes. Did I mention I declined those classes?
I did have a good second experience with Kaiser and the OBGYN assigned to me is going to help me find a PCP who understands my conditions and doesn’t loop everyone who may need to lose weight into one bucket.
Do these physicians not understand that people aren’t all the same? Do they not know that someone like myself can walk into their office and leave with their body dysmorphia heightened because of the way they speak to a patient they’ve only met once? This brought me right back to being sent home in the middle of my heart attack because “I didn’t look like someone who would have a heart attack”. If I went into today would they have taken me seriously? I just don’t understand.
My blog will be more about PCOS again. I can’t be the only one who gets this kind of treatment from physicians, I can’t be the first one who works so hard to be told insensitive things. It makes me so angry and sad how I and so many are judged. I don’t have to defend myself and my eating habits and I don’t need to be judged without truly knowing my medical history. I need support from my physician and unfortunately, my first experience with Kaiser wasn’t that.
Here’s to being my own advocate and continuing to fight for me and my health.