Did you know life and life’s ups and downs don’t stop because of a pandemic? True story. Yesterday and today I feel really sad. Letting go of what I thought would happen one day is hard. I cry when I think about it. Between that another situation I’ve said I’d let go I don’t know if my relationship will last for the long run. That’s being honest. Do I want to feel this when that person is someone I’m isolated with? No. The first letting go over time I can do but the second I’m not so sure. Time will tell and this sadness will pass. This is a total growth moment and ya know what? At least I’m forced to feel and work through it because I can’t run from my feelings by over doing it right now.
Yesterday I also took my final walk of the week with the boy. We took a walk each day he was with me. So nice to get out with no one else walking around and spend some time getting a bit of exercise in and the boy being able to scooter. Win/Win for us both. See some good too.
I notice lately I’ve been down more than up with my posts but come on, this isn’t a feel good time in history and this isn’t just hitting the United States. This is a worldwide pandemic and it’s sad. Just so sad. It will get better. That’s the silver lining.
My schedule for the week is ready, I’m focused on bettering me and it’s my alone week. I wonder the good that can happen. Let’s see. Until tomorrow.
For my 44th year I’m giving to me a ton of inside work. I’m no longer on any heart meds and my heart healed itself. My arteries well, my heart is a start. I’m seeing a doctor today to better me physically. I’m working on my PCOS because I refuse to let it take me over. I’m working on my self worth and will lose my heart attack weight gain. With PCOS this is hard for me.
I realized I’ve worked hard or overdid things in the past because I thought if I did I would be worthy of love or friendship but that’s not true. I’m worthy no matter what and I need to believe that.
The photo below of those amazing women was taken at my 40th birthday party and right before the darkest time of my life. Those women are still in my life and helped me through that dark time and we give to each other when we need someone and I love them and the many other women in my life.
Here is to 44 and the many adventures and growth and love and happiness and sadness and hope that it will bring.