Life happens and life’s sometimes good and full. Since my last post I’ve been busy with kids, school, and being happy. Happy which is foreign to me it seems but welcomed. I’ve been told that my smile lately is one people haven’t seen in some time.
I had dinner with a woman I admire tonight and the visit reminded me I have my blog and to take a moment to remember how far I’ve come. Twenty Two years later I still cry when Jason is brought up and today his mother and I did just that. Ever so briefly. Black by Pearl Jam came on this morning. I’ve not heard it in some time and today I was having dinner with his mother. She noted it’s like he’s still with us and I believe this. Tonight for the first time in twenty plus years I was able to tell her how horrible I felt at his funeral when she told people as I was introduced to them how much he loved and cared for me. The guilt because that Friday I did drugs instead of having dinner with them. The guilt is gone and I didn’t know he’d leave us so quickly. I was young and know I’m not a bad person. I think Jason would be proud of me today.
It reminds me how short life is and surviving a heart attack six months ago I want to live. I finally feel like I can. Like I’ve let go of what was and excited for what’s to come. Until next time…
A beautiful lady and Moi.
It’s no secret I’m known to do random things for strangers or give to causes. Now when I say give to causes I don’t mean tons but what I can. I do this because it makes me feel good and I don’t announce when I do it and I never brag. How is it known? Someone is usually with me when I give up something of mine for someone else. They too don’t brag or tell anyone.
1. I grew up not having much. I knew what it was to want what others had but still I see now I had enough. There are people who have nothing.
2. We should all do for others and not say a thing about it. It takes you out of yourself, makes someone feel good, and you in turn feel good.
I’m going through some life things right now. I’m really not me or even thinking right and I received a card from a friend yesterday and it was what was inside that got to me and at first I couldn’t accept it. All the time I do for others, especially right now and I didn’t want to accept someone doing something for me and it made me cry and it made me stop and be grateful that I have friends today who love me for me and see me going through a rough time and reach out just because.
I have to remember for someone so easy to give to others that at times it’s ok to be a receiver of a gift from the people life so graciously puts in it.
We met online in very early 2000. We were part of a Yahoo group for moms of babies due in September 2000. We instantly hit it off. One West Coast mom to be and one East Coast mom to be.
We had (Moi) a girl K and (Her) a boy A.
Needless to say I wasn’t in a good place emotionally so I ended up alienating myself from these women but not Surie. We kept in touch. It was like I knew her my whole life.
Fast forward 12 years and we still keep in touch. I love to send her postcards from Disneyland because of her love for Mickey. I love that we can email about anything and say what the other needs to hear. I just adore her.
I’ve grown up a lot in the past 12 years and I’ve finally over the past couple of years have bonded with a lot of those women from the group as well. There are more than 10 of us from the original group in a private group on Facebook now and it’s so nice sharing with each other. I met these women because of Surie as she invited me to the original group.
I hope to one day meet Surie. We should fly to the middle of the US and meet. That would be fun but until we meet we have the Internet and phone calls and cards through the mail.
I’ve found you can have a bond even when you don’t meet someone in “Real Life”
This is a screen capture of one of Surie’s favorite photos of herself. I think she looks great!!