Yesterday was a busy day ending with a movie that started at 9:20 pm so that’s my quick input of the day.
Today I blog early. Today I’ve seen where what I see can mess with my head. Where I feel like it will always just be like this. Where being alone feels so much better. Where I question what I’m doing and wonder is this going to be good enough? Will the past be the past and I’m just good enough?
The beauty in the sadness I feel today is I’ve learned with all I’ve been through that feelings are not facts. That somewhere deep in me I know I’m worth so much good. On so many levels and I know that tomorrow I may have a totally different outlook on this situation. Today though it doesn’t feel good, probably only in my head and I know the only phone going forward I want to look at is mine. This is even when I’m being shown things. It could bring on hurt hunting and I’m tired of hurting and I’m tired of feeling less than.
In closing, I’m allowed to have this moment but I’m going to let it pass. Maybe not in 5 minutes but today. That’s growth.
I was diagnosed with an amazing disease at 40. Micro Cardiovascular Disease. I got pretty bitter and did a whole lot of “Why ME’s” and got very angry at what my ex did right after my heart attack especially since I just had a heart attack BUT now….I have a disease that can end my life whenever it wants to & I want to live. I lost my blog that I loved for reasons that I don’t need to rehash and I think I finally found what I’m going to turn this blog into.
I want to blog about my disease and the good, the bad, and all in-between. This includes life and all that goes into it. There’s going to be so much and it makes me excited to blog again. My old blog began about PCOS and really grew and gave others hope. I want to give hope to others who may be moms with heart disease. We aren’t alone.
I was hospitalized over the weekend again with the reality of a possible angiogram again. While in cardiac icu I realized how angry I still was but I can’t be. It’s not good for me.
So onto Kat’s Living Adventure. So far my 40th year has been hard but I think it’s really been just to show me how strong I am and it’s not all been bad. I’ve had some amazing times this year and I’m looking forward to many more.
This entries photo is of the reality my disease sometimes comes with. This is sometimes my reality. Until next time which will be so soon….