First I’m under no illusion I’ll miss some days. Life is in session. That being said I see that at times I still feel so damaged. When you feel like you do a lot wrong it’s hard to break that cycle when in reality you weren’t wrong. This isn’t a post to say or put blame on anyone. I’ve learned through this all that I made choices to allow my life to be a certain way but that doesn’t mean I deserved what I went through.
Flash forward to now. I’ve been so much better in so many ways but I know now there’s so much more work to do because I go back into feeling like I’m wrong and that I make things worse in my life which actually isn’t true. I’ve learned feelings aren’t facts and that I need to believe I’m a good person and not bad.
So today isn’t a feel good day but I know I can start my day over for the good. I didn’t use to feel that way and I’m glad that I have the choice to keep quiet and start my day again.
Until tomorrow or another day soon. My goal is to complete this 365 challenge and my hope is to do this daily but I know this won’t always happen and it’s okay because I’ve also learned life happens and I can’t always blog and that’s okay.
It’s been some time since I’ve posted. I lost my desire to blog due to the internet not feeling safe for me. However; I miss writing. I miss blogging. I really lost me for years. These days I don’t think I can do much but then I remember all I’ve been through and despite it all I grow more and more. I found out my social media was being viewed again (stalker style) which made me want to hide from social media but why? My blog was great once upon a time and to get me back I need this. So I’m doing a 365 day challenge of finding me, living with heart disease, being a single mom, friendship, PCOS, and enjoying the good. So day 1 is a photo of me and this man who I adore and who makes me laugh and neither of us are perfect but it’s a great adventure. Until tomorrow…..
I was diagnosed with an amazing disease at 40. Micro Cardiovascular Disease. I got pretty bitter and did a whole lot of “Why ME’s” and got very angry at what my ex did right after my heart attack especially since I just had a heart attack BUT now….I have a disease that can end my life whenever it wants to & I want to live. I lost my blog that I loved for reasons that I don’t need to rehash and I think I finally found what I’m going to turn this blog into.
I want to blog about my disease and the good, the bad, and all in-between. This includes life and all that goes into it. There’s going to be so much and it makes me excited to blog again. My old blog began about PCOS and really grew and gave others hope. I want to give hope to others who may be moms with heart disease. We aren’t alone.
I was hospitalized over the weekend again with the reality of a possible angiogram again. While in cardiac icu I realized how angry I still was but I can’t be. It’s not good for me.
So onto Kat’s Living Adventure. So far my 40th year has been hard but I think it’s really been just to show me how strong I am and it’s not all been bad. I’ve had some amazing times this year and I’m looking forward to many more.
This entries photo is of the reality my disease sometimes comes with. This is sometimes my reality. Until next time which will be so soon….