Luxury AKA The Extras

As it’s been said in previous posts I’m on a super strict budget. On this budget and being in a whole new financial situation I’ve learned to cut my own hair, color my own hair, get cheap haircuts and pretty much try and save money any way I can but feel like I’m beautiful or at least very pretty.

I was given some money from a bond that matured from when I was married. I was able to buy Christmas gifts and I got my hair done.

Normally it would be a fun experience to get ones hair done BUT for me it was just to make my hair look decent. To have a even cut, straight bangs and hair all one color. To me this was a luxury and something that needed to be done.

These days I need to pick and choose what’s important. I want and possibly need blue ballet flats but those can wait. Really the black ones I have can go with everything. There’s also so much I want to get me but I’m glad I made the decision I did and I will save to get my hair done every couple of months. It’s something I can look forward to and practice a bit of self-care.

My normal color and haircut but I feel more put together. That’s what matters.

Advertisements

Gratitude through the tired….

One can be totally grateful while totally exhausted.  I’m exhausted.  I cry cooking meals for my children and myself sometimes.  I wish there was a service that could come cook healthy meals for us all.

Reality, that’s not anywhere near what I can do financially, at this moment.  With two rare artery conditions I can get very tired by early evening.  I fell short of breath and just want to rest.

I need rest BUT I push forward to the best of my ability.  I’m also so grateful that I survived and that I have these struggles.  That some days I’m 100% Okay.  Other days I’m not and I’m grateful I get through the bad and enjoy the good.  I’m grateful I have two kids that accept their mom isn’t always 100%.  I’m grateful that through all of this I’m maintaining a A grade level in college full time and able to work too.  I’m grateful I have a partner who does the best he can to support me and love me when I can get really hard on myself.  I’m grateful I have this blog again to hopefully show others we can all walk through life with grace even when it doesn’t feel good.

I’m grateful.  We all need to remember to be in gratitude.  It really does help us through the rough times.

Where I’m at…It’s Temporary…

I’m 42.  This blog has been with me since 2007 BUT I’ve wiped out all of my posts from public view and they’re now 100% private.  A glimpse into my past that only I need to see.  This blog, I’ve neglected it.  For numerous reasons…we will leave it at that.  My life over the past three years has changed drastically.  For starters 2016 included a heart attack, end of 19 year relationship and loss of job I had for the better part of eighteen years.  Lots of very big life changes.  I want this blog now and going forward to be the beautiful and often scary moments starting over at 42.

Currently I’m in school full time (turns out I was very lucky with that job and now no one will hire me without a degree) to get a bachelors degree so I can then become a CPA.  I also work part time.  Very different than almost 2 years ago when losing my job on December 1, 2016 was the end to a very bad year.

Last week I met with my Financial Aid helper.  He asked what happened to me.  He asked because (this is where I get really real) in 2016 I made about 70k, in 2017 I made about 30k and this year, in 2018 I receive food stamps and get Medi-Cal for insurance.  Speaking of insurance I just was able to refill my meds and I need my heart meds.  I’ve paid for my own insurance since I was 21 and now I can’t.

Here’s the thing I’ve been hiding how hard my life is financially from most people I know.  I believe because I have shame.  I shouldn’t.  I’ve worked most my life.  I put my ex-husband through school even.  I just forgot to take care of me.  So in the process of taking care of me I get to struggle a little.  One day I won’t be struggling and my journey can show others that they too can get through things.

So, if you keep up with me I’m going to be brutally honest about how days are for me.  I’ll also be sharing the good that comes from personal growth.  Life is quite beautiful at the end of the day.