365 of 42…Day 6

New Years Eve….

With midnight and 2018 not too far off I look back on what I could change in 2018, what I conquered in 2017 and all in between. In no particular order.

I learned I’m still way too critical of myself. I can beat me up so much better than you can. My mind at times can be a battle zone and I however feel I did better with this as I had some huge life changes and getting back into the rhythm of life could take time.

I learned I usually work for jerks who know they can be mean to me because as a single mom I need my job. I also learned the value of benefits and full time work so I do believe 2018 will be bringing some changes. I’m happy at my job but need more hours and benefits.

I don’t take nitroglycerin daily. Sometimes now only once a week. Still at least once a week but YES it’s becoming less. This is awesome!! My hearts healing. I am starting to jog again so we will see.

My kids are a senior in high school and in 2nd grade. They are my biggest loves. To the moon and back and deeper than any ocean and I’ve finally moved them somewhere we can call home, Yes we have landed!

The ex-husband and I get along 99% of the time. I sometimes think about what if things were like they are now would we be a family? No, I have to remember they weren’t this way, what I went through in 2016 and that I’m just grateful for now. All we have is now. I think I just wonder why he couldn’t be like this before. He even checks in on my health stuff. I also think, maybe we were just meant to be friends and the two kids we have together is a bonus. 2017 was definitely a better year.

I took an aerial class again and I’m going to keep going back. I want to dance again too and run. 2018 will be my year. Yeah me!

I was scared to blog again but now I am, ok the past 6 days but if I keep going maybe I’ll be confident in my writing and write like I did before I had to delete my blog.

I’m still with the man I met in August last year. He’s still good to me and I’m grateful for him. He like I see so much more in the other person. He’s also big on letting me know things aren’t always my fault. That may be a problem I have. We also communicate, talk things out. So uncomfortable at times but needed.

I’ve struggled with food and at this point I hate my body. I hate PCOS and sometimes I get mad over my heart attack for the weight I’ve gained since having it BUT 2018 I plan to get off my pity pot and change that.

I have a beautiful support system. Fact. Between Alanon, AA and friends I’m so blessed and 2018 is about giving back.

I went to Disneyland 3 Times. Still not a pass holder again but this past year I completed my bankruptcy and got a different car. My priorities need to be staying on the right path and not having a Disney pass is a quality problem. My point of this entry is I need to remember I have a lot of quality problems. So life’s pretty awesome.

This upcoming year I need to work on:

  • My worth
  • Fears
  • Financial Security
  • Laughing more
  • My weight
  • Belly laughs weekly with my kids
  • Forgiveness
  • Staying in gratitude

Until next year…

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365 of 42…Day 1

I’m 42. It’s kinda surreal with all I’ve gone through since I thought “This is 40” would be a great year to blog and BAM little things like a Heart Attack and well the year went down hill BUT after some time life’s turning around. SO…….

Live it. Live life. The good, the bad, the ugly of it and don’t candy coat for social media. My mind is off sometimes. I’m my worst critic and I’ve found I have so much to work on and I’ve also found so many great things about me. Shocking, I know that I see what others see too at times. So sit back, relax and let’s see how the next 364 days go. You’ll see how my mind works and what makes me happy, sad, and all in-between.

Today I bring you a successful follow up to moi trying to pose on a pole. This time I didn’t smash my face into it. Winning! Happy 42nd to me!!!

Day 1 ~ It’s been a while….

It’s been some time since I’ve posted. I lost my desire to blog due to the internet not feeling safe for me. However; I miss writing. I miss blogging. I really lost me for years. These days I don’t think I can do much but then I remember all I’ve been through and despite it all I grow more and more. I found out my social media was being viewed again (stalker style) which made me want to hide from social media but why? My blog was great once upon a time and to get me back I need this. So I’m doing a 365 day challenge of finding me, living with heart disease, being a single mom, friendship, PCOS, and enjoying the good. So day 1 is a photo of me and this man who I adore and who makes me laugh and neither of us are perfect but it’s a great adventure. Until tomorrow…..