When you feel like you’re starting over….

I began a different blog in 2007. The year I had gastric-bypass to help with the weight gain from PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome). The surgery worked! I lost all the weight and then some and I got regular cycles and even conceived my second child without any issues but that didn’t mean the PCOS was gone.

In 2016 I suffered a SCAD Heart Attack after a very rough part of my life. The darkest part of my life for that matter. Though my heart attack had nothing to do with a typical heart attack and I was sent home at the beginning of my heart attack because “I didn’t look like someone having a heart attack” being thin and in pretty good health and it took me going back for them to take me seriously I was still put on medications for high blood pressure since I was then diagnosed with Fibromuscular Dysplasia and Micro Cardiovascular Disease. Both affect the arteries and cause me to be at high risk for another heart attack or stroke.

From the use of these medications, I gained 60 pounds. As someone with body dysmorphia from the rapid weight gain and loss, this is hard on me. Why? People are cruel to overweight people and ASSUME that they overeat and don’t exercise and don’t care for themselves. This is 100% not always true. There are many health conditions that cause weight gain. PCOS being one of them and my PCOS is also in full swing again and I am also not absorbing nutrients. From all of this, I’ve tried to exercise and do things correctly based on my medical history but have not been able to since my body is out of whack.

I finally gave up doing this all alone and met with my primary care physician who then had me getting iron infusions, meeting with my cardiologist, and meeting with my new neurologist. Between all of my doctors, I am on new medications and a ton of supplements (photo and daily schedule below) that will help me feel human again and help my body to lose weight. My primary also let me know my body has gone into shock and when it does this a body will hold onto weight. I am willing to do as instructed so that I can get back a part of me I lost with my heart attack. I was active and felt good. Right now I don’t feel so good. My hope is that by doing as instructed by my medical team that over time my body will get back to a good place.

I want to be an example, as I was before that we can recover. It is not always easy, the path to healing but I know, as I have done it before, it can be done. To keep me accountable I will be utilizing the blog that I pay for and ignore. When I blogged my journey before I wrote on the struggles and the triumphs. I posted gluten and dairy-free recipes. I was living life and my blog turned into something different than it started as. My hope, as I continue to heal and really take care of my medical needs that I can get my blog there. I hope that seeing my journey can help others with PCOS or SCAD Survivors see it can get better. It isn’t a quick process and I need to remember that too. I am ready to see where this journey takes me and I’m grateful to have you along.

My New Morning, Afternoon, and Evening Medication & Supplement regime.

Day 22 in a time of Covid-19…

So, a couple of days have past but it seems to be a trend that my weekends are about just being in the moment and not doing anything except it was a busy weekend…even from home.

This weekend I….

  1. Learned how to make masks and saw that my boyfriends really old shirts he wanted to turn into masks won’t work. You need somewhat thick fabric. He’s an artist though and has a vision and I’m not so we will see how our mask ends up. I think we are going to be one and done! Did you know you can make art out of the masks? It seems instead of making them we will be painting them. Stay tuned for images once we are done.
  2. Baked and cooked. I even made strawberry butter (photo below) for Easter, cooked a brisket in the crock pot (yum) and made my world famous green bean casserole for my little 19 year old daughter. I love that with each family holiday she looks forward to having it and enjoys it.
  3. Brought a meal to my elderly neighbor. Can’t wait to meet her after this is all over. Due to a mail mix up I’ve made a new friend.
  4. Hid a ton of plastic eggs, twice. PE for minors…check!
  5. Relaxed with my little’s and watched classic Disney films. Disney is pretty dark if you think about it.
  6. OMG I stayed in bed on Saturday until 2:30 pm and I felt lazy but it’s something I NEVER do! So nice to give in to the uncomfortable.

In all the weekend was excellent.

Yesterday we began school again for all after Spring Break and it’s so hard to work and juggle the boys school schedule. Today is a new day and we try again. I have this! One moment at a time we will figure out what works.

I also realized how little money I have left. I already live paycheck to paycheck but this is hard since my side hustle job ended with the death of a great CPA to a shitty disease in February right before all this happened. I’m living on less but I’m doing it and I’m remembering that I am in school (even during this) to better myself.

Here’s to another day, indoors, living life during this pandemic. Superstar, each of us for getting through each day!

Hawaiian Rolls with the Strawberry Butter I made.
Before the egg hunt began.
After the hunt with the loot.

Day 14 in a time of Covid-19…

Did you know life and life’s ups and downs don’t stop because of a pandemic? True story. Yesterday and today I feel really sad. Letting go of what I thought would happen one day is hard. I cry when I think about it. Between that another situation I’ve said I’d let go I don’t know if my relationship will last for the long run. That’s being honest. Do I want to feel this when that person is someone I’m isolated with? No. The first letting go over time I can do but the second I’m not so sure. Time will tell and this sadness will pass. This is a total growth moment and ya know what? At least I’m forced to feel and work through it because I can’t run from my feelings by over doing it right now.

Yesterday I also took my final walk of the week with the boy. We took a walk each day he was with me. So nice to get out with no one else walking around and spend some time getting a bit of exercise in and the boy being able to scooter. Win/Win for us both. See some good too.

I notice lately I’ve been down more than up with my posts but come on, this isn’t a feel good time in history and this isn’t just hitting the United States. This is a worldwide pandemic and it’s sad. Just so sad. It will get better. That’s the silver lining.

My schedule for the week is ready, I’m focused on bettering me and it’s my alone week. I wonder the good that can happen. Let’s see. Until tomorrow.

Do you see the beautiful white butterfly we saw on our walk? Beauty in a time of Covid-19