Yesterday I wore a bathing suit. I know not a big deal but it is. It is for me. I gained 100 lbs from PCOS. I tried all ways to lose the weight and was even a test subject at Cedars Sinai. I was so grateful to be a test subject.
I ended up having Gastric Bypass in 2007. Since then I’ve lost the 100 lbs and kept it off.
The downside is I see my body the way it was when I look in the mirror and and I’ve acquired extra skin. I don’t have the money to have it removed and I’ve started trying to accept my body for how it is. I’ve had two kids and Weightloss surgery and I’m not 16 years old.
I’ve seen other women who I think have great bodies with their flaws and it does help me. They find themselves beautiful and really, I am too.
So yesterday I wore this. I actually like how this photo came out as well. It’s about progress and each day I’m loving my body more and more.
Today, not going to lie was hard. Today I didn’t wake up and get to wish the best five year old boy ever Happy Birthday.
However; I did make him the best amateur Lego cake and he loved it. I still got to see him.
My ex and I decided cake, dinner, and the new Jurassic Park film with our kids. I felt uncomfortable in the home I decorated and felt like a stranger there. It was a trigger. I get angry when I’m hurt or unsure of how to react and my ex shuts down. There was a falling out. It was truly my doing. I’m hurt, scared, and just received an apology about our marriage BUT I have a lot of work to heal.
It all worked out for the evening. We made it to the mall, bought the boy two pairs of shoes, we all ate dinner together, and a little boy cuddled me through the movie.
Life’s not what I expect it to be. A lot has happened to us both. I’ve found in Alanon I’ve become very bitter after the years and I really need to heal and really forgive. We aren’t bad people and our children are loved by us both and they’re really what matters. I saw that tonight. Despite my hurt I can heal through working on me and my kids can have two parents in different homes who love them to death.
Some photos of the boy and his amateur award winning Lego cake.
Was a beautiful day. OK it was really 9pm and I went to Ralph’s to acquire all I needed for Cake Pops to impress those three and four year olds at daycare. You know those kids who’d stop me and thank me for the awesome cake pops.
Instead I came to my senses and the Cupcake Gods blessed me with one final pack of Smurf Cupcakes and a four pack of gourmet ones.
I was at peace. A new calm had come over me like never before. I didn’t care that I wasn’t baking from scratch. The kids were still getting their fill of sugar and my little Superhero who was turning four only cared that he was getting a cupcake at school and that he was being celebrated.
In the end it was a win/win for all.