It’s been known I’m a perfectionist. I’ve gone from a position in the work world of management to just an employee. For my health reasons this is great but I’m learning a whole new way to do things and that brings some humility.
Yesterday I sent a text to my boss (yes have a work phone) and in response to hers and I owned I’m not perfect. It felt so odd to just be happy and not right. Sometimes battles are not worth fighting. Sometimes we just need to say OK.
This isn’t just about work. It’s about life. How often I don’t want to look like I’ve done something wrong. It’s exhausting.
It felt good to be in that place. It was a bit liberating to not have to be right. Opening myself to change isn’t always easy but it’s good.
First I’m under no illusion I’ll miss some days. Life is in session. That being said I see that at times I still feel so damaged. When you feel like you do a lot wrong it’s hard to break that cycle when in reality you weren’t wrong. This isn’t a post to say or put blame on anyone. I’ve learned through this all that I made choices to allow my life to be a certain way but that doesn’t mean I deserved what I went through.
Flash forward to now. I’ve been so much better in so many ways but I know now there’s so much more work to do because I go back into feeling like I’m wrong and that I make things worse in my life which actually isn’t true. I’ve learned feelings aren’t facts and that I need to believe I’m a good person and not bad.
So today isn’t a feel good day but I know I can start my day over for the good. I didn’t use to feel that way and I’m glad that I have the choice to keep quiet and start my day again.
Until tomorrow or another day soon. My goal is to complete this 365 challenge and my hope is to do this daily but I know this won’t always happen and it’s okay because I’ve also learned life happens and I can’t always blog and that’s okay.
It’s been some time since I’ve posted. I lost my desire to blog due to the internet not feeling safe for me. However; I miss writing. I miss blogging. I really lost me for years. These days I don’t think I can do much but then I remember all I’ve been through and despite it all I grow more and more. I found out my social media was being viewed again (stalker style) which made me want to hide from social media but why? My blog was great once upon a time and to get me back I need this. So I’m doing a 365 day challenge of finding me, living with heart disease, being a single mom, friendship, PCOS, and enjoying the good. So day 1 is a photo of me and this man who I adore and who makes me laugh and neither of us are perfect but it’s a great adventure. Until tomorrow…..