First I’m under no illusion I’ll miss some days. Life is in session. That being said I see that at times I still feel so damaged. When you feel like you do a lot wrong it’s hard to break that cycle when in reality you weren’t wrong. This isn’t a post to say or put blame on anyone. I’ve learned through this all that I made choices to allow my life to be a certain way but that doesn’t mean I deserved what I went through.
Flash forward to now. I’ve been so much better in so many ways but I know now there’s so much more work to do because I go back into feeling like I’m wrong and that I make things worse in my life which actually isn’t true. I’ve learned feelings aren’t facts and that I need to believe I’m a good person and not bad.
So today isn’t a feel good day but I know I can start my day over for the good. I didn’t use to feel that way and I’m glad that I have the choice to keep quiet and start my day again.
Until tomorrow or another day soon. My goal is to complete this 365 challenge and my hope is to do this daily but I know this won’t always happen and it’s okay because I’ve also learned life happens and I can’t always blog and that’s okay.
It’s been some time since I’ve posted. I lost my desire to blog due to the internet not feeling safe for me. However; I miss writing. I miss blogging. I really lost me for years. These days I don’t think I can do much but then I remember all I’ve been through and despite it all I grow more and more. I found out my social media was being viewed again (stalker style) which made me want to hide from social media but why? My blog was great once upon a time and to get me back I need this. So I’m doing a 365 day challenge of finding me, living with heart disease, being a single mom, friendship, PCOS, and enjoying the good. So day 1 is a photo of me and this man who I adore and who makes me laugh and neither of us are perfect but it’s a great adventure. Until tomorrow…..
Yesterday I wore a bathing suit. I know not a big deal but it is. It is for me. I gained 100 lbs from PCOS. I tried all ways to lose the weight and was even a test subject at Cedars Sinai. I was so grateful to be a test subject.
I ended up having Gastric Bypass in 2007. Since then I’ve lost the 100 lbs and kept it off.
The downside is I see my body the way it was when I look in the mirror and and I’ve acquired extra skin. I don’t have the money to have it removed and I’ve started trying to accept my body for how it is. I’ve had two kids and Weightloss surgery and I’m not 16 years old.
I’ve seen other women who I think have great bodies with their flaws and it does help me. They find themselves beautiful and really, I am too.
So yesterday I wore this. I actually like how this photo came out as well. It’s about progress and each day I’m loving my body more and more.