Did you know I have a rare condition? I do, it’s called FMD or Fibromuscular Dysplasia which is progressive twisting of the blood vessels throughout the body. Mine happen to be in my neck and other places that caused me to have a SCAD (Sudden Coronary Artery Dissection), which caused a heart attack. I’ve been doing good for a while BUT now I’m having migraines, ringing in my ears (you know like after you leave a loud concert), and angina in my upper back. I’m back on Nifedipine to help but in a way I think it’s making it worse. So, I’m doing what I need to in order to feel good. I need to rest more and practice calm. I need to make sure I’m putting good into my body. I need to exercise and not tweak my neck, oh there’s so much to do but I’m into living for the long hall so I’m doing it.
Because it’s been a struggle health-wise I have noticed two good things that have been a constant since I started blogging daily in a time of Covid-19…(1) I do my daily gratitude list before anything else each day and (2) I blog. I’ve made both these things in my day a priority so I will be adding my daily work out and meditation. Need to do these things. I also need to make sure I track my food so I’m eating good. I love to cook, I don’t like being lazy these days because I’m zonked from sitting at my dining room table most of the day.
Yesterday was another success! Work went well and I began to grasp math concepts that I didn’t think I ever would grasp. I also got to enjoy the sound of so much rain! Today is Friday and I’m looking forward to what this day brings. Sometimes in a time of Covid-19 we get to be reminded how precious we are and if we (I) am staying isolated to keep well I need to take care of conditions that already exist as well.
Here’s to another good day in a time of Covid-19. Until tomorrow.
I’m trying affirmations to myself all throughout the day. Like when I’m walking from one place to another, when I’m standing in line, on hold equals saying something good about me. I also am trying to visualize what I want weight wise. A friend told me holding onto weight is protection and I know I’m protecting myself from the pain I felt before and so I need to really let myself feel. I need to not hide and I hope these affirmations help me on my journey. I’m such a work in progress. What are little things you do daily for your self care?
So, in my quest to living life I stopped my heart medications. Yes, I sure did. I was only on these certain medications to replace the nitroglycerin I was taking that was giving me migraines. Did I mention that since my heart attack I’m not allowed to take my good ole’ migraine medications so it was migraines or medications. For a bit I did go with the medications until I realized it was both meds that caused my rapid weight gain. You see I had this issue before with Provera for my PCOS. So long story short I’m back on the nitroglycerin and living with the migraines.
Which brings me to I’ve now lost 8 lbs and have kept it off so far. I’m back at the gym and I owe my gym success to Game of Thrones and that I’d have never watched before. You see it helps to pass the time on the treadmill. I kid but it really does help as at time waster while working out.
The real test if I can continue this work out regime is the pass I was gifted for two weeks ends in a couple of days so I will have to do outside workouts and you know, I may enjoy it more. We shall see.
I’m going to the gym today. My head keeps trying to get me to back out but after I’ve gone for the 30-40 minutes I feel good when I leave. I feel like I look super fat when I’m at the gym and that I’m the only one there who looks this way. I want to get to a point where I don’t feel this way. It’s hard work this self care game.
So to end this update and I hope to dig deeper into blogging again is this is where I’m at:
Still in school full time, still working some place that doesn’t make me happy but I know isn’t permanent, eating mini meals and gluten free, not beating me up if I fail on a meal because really, it’s not worth it, trying daily to do at least one thing kind for me including some form of exercise, being a great mother, partner, and friend, AND knowing that my past doesn’t define me. What I do today defines me. Today, I’m working on a better me even on the days it doesn’t feel good.