Did you know life and life’s ups and downs don’t stop because of a pandemic? True story. Yesterday and today I feel really sad. Letting go of what I thought would happen one day is hard. I cry when I think about it. Between that another situation I’ve said I’d let go I don’t know if my relationship will last for the long run. That’s being honest. Do I want to feel this when that person is someone I’m isolated with? No. The first letting go over time I can do but the second I’m not so sure. Time will tell and this sadness will pass. This is a total growth moment and ya know what? At least I’m forced to feel and work through it because I can’t run from my feelings by over doing it right now.
Yesterday I also took my final walk of the week with the boy. We took a walk each day he was with me. So nice to get out with no one else walking around and spend some time getting a bit of exercise in and the boy being able to scooter. Win/Win for us both. See some good too.
I notice lately I’ve been down more than up with my posts but come on, this isn’t a feel good time in history and this isn’t just hitting the United States. This is a worldwide pandemic and it’s sad. Just so sad. It will get better. That’s the silver lining.
My schedule for the week is ready, I’m focused on bettering me and it’s my alone week. I wonder the good that can happen. Let’s see. Until tomorrow.
Today, day 28 is Christmas and my kids were happy. I was worried they’d think i didn’t do enough but I was wrong, it was a success.
Will end the day with five people I choose to call family and us girls will view Little Women (based off of my favorite book) and the boys will watch Spies in Disguise. Grateful for my little blended family.
I’m on a limited budget and have 10 Christmas cards that I set aside for family and some close friends who to me, are like family. Doing these cards has brought up feelings I have toward some of my family. Part of me wanted to reach out to them and let them know that I’m not shallow and only care about money because that is what they think of me based on a event that happened a couple of years ago.
I wanted to tell them it wasn’t me who didn’t want them at a event, it was their granddaughter. I’m allowing them to keep believing it’s my fault they weren’t invited to her graduation to protect my daughter and because if that’s what they truly think of me then why would I want them close in my life more often than not?
Instead, I’ll continue to keep it light and polite. I love my father and step-mother but I don’t need to have them be active in my life all the time. My family in general isn’t close, something I’ve learned to live with but that doesn’t me I don’t love them and that doesn’t mean I wish things were different. I’m just in acceptance with the way that things are.
Sometimes I’m finding it’s better to just keep quiet.