Today I helped my brother by chance to pack up a bit more. To help him as he closes a chapter in his life as he leaves a home, he shared with his wife. A wife took too soon. I’m grateful for her to have put him in my life. Due to my relationship with his wife over time, we had to work together, and since her passing, I’ve gone from considering him a friend and to now, a brother. Life is funny that way. I’m just glad my kids and I were able to be there for him today. It’s the little things that matter most.
So, in my quest to living life I stopped my heart medications. Yes, I sure did. I was only on these certain medications to replace the nitroglycerin I was taking that was giving me migraines. Did I mention that since my heart attack I’m not allowed to take my good ole’ migraine medications so it was migraines or medications. For a bit I did go with the medications until I realized it was both meds that caused my rapid weight gain. You see I had this issue before with Provera for my PCOS. So long story short I’m back on the nitroglycerin and living with the migraines.
Which brings me to I’ve now lost 8 lbs and have kept it off so far. I’m back at the gym and I owe my gym success to Game of Thrones and that I’d have never watched before. You see it helps to pass the time on the treadmill. I kid but it really does help as at time waster while working out.
The real test if I can continue this work out regime is the pass I was gifted for two weeks ends in a couple of days so I will have to do outside workouts and you know, I may enjoy it more. We shall see.
I’m going to the gym today. My head keeps trying to get me to back out but after I’ve gone for the 30-40 minutes I feel good when I leave. I feel like I look super fat when I’m at the gym and that I’m the only one there who looks this way. I want to get to a point where I don’t feel this way. It’s hard work this self care game.
So to end this update and I hope to dig deeper into blogging again is this is where I’m at:
Still in school full time, still working some place that doesn’t make me happy but I know isn’t permanent, eating mini meals and gluten free, not beating me up if I fail on a meal because really, it’s not worth it, trying daily to do at least one thing kind for me including some form of exercise, being a great mother, partner, and friend, AND knowing that my past doesn’t define me. What I do today defines me. Today, I’m working on a better me even on the days it doesn’t feel good.