It is no secret I have fought hard not to let PCOS define me. It is no secret I suffered a SCAD heart attack while thin, causing me to be sent home during a said heart attack because “I didn’t look like someone having a heart attack.”
Fast forward to today. I get the gift of COVID while attending an outdoor music festival. This festival celebrated that I survived 17 units of college while working and being a mom to two kids, well, three by the end of the semester. I attended the festival to start my week off before summer school, and then a facial would end my week. No, instead, I’m writing this post and changing things.
I have done pretty well with my friend COVID. I have not had a fever since Friday am, and other than being tired, I was good. I received the call yesterday that my doctors want me on a prescription called Paxlovid. They said I am considered high risk. I have Fibromuscular Dysplasia and have a dissection in my neck right now. I figure, though, they assume I’m an untreated diabetic because I take metformin and Victoza. So this little visit from COVID now woke my body dysmorphia.
I wish I had the calm in me like those who accept their bodies for how they are. It would be awesome to feel good about my body like Lizzo. I am not anywhere near feeling good about my body. The previous judgment for either being thin or obese has shown me the judgment one can receive based on their body size or physicians not reading an individual’s medical history.
I write this because I don’t want to go to a dark place. I write this because I know I am not the only one who has felt judged by the medical field. I write this because I do not like my body today. I write this because these feelings are not facts. I will keep writing on my journey: the good and the bad. My hope is one day, I can be happy in my skin and not worry about judgment. It looks like it took a COVID medication to get me writing. So be it.
So, a couple of days have past but it seems to be a trend that my weekends are about just being in the moment and not doing anything except it was a busy weekend…even from home.
This weekend I….
Learned how to make masks and saw that my boyfriends really old shirts he wanted to turn into masks won’t work. You need somewhat thick fabric. He’s an artist though and has a vision and I’m not so we will see how our mask ends up. I think we are going to be one and done! Did you know you can make art out of the masks? It seems instead of making them we will be painting them. Stay tuned for images once we are done.
Baked and cooked. I even made strawberry butter (photo below) for Easter, cooked a brisket in the crock pot (yum) and made my world famous green bean casserole for my little 19 year old daughter. I love that with each family holiday she looks forward to having it and enjoys it.
Brought a meal to my elderly neighbor. Can’t wait to meet her after this is all over. Due to a mail mix up I’ve made a new friend.
Hid a ton of plastic eggs, twice. PE for minors…check!
Relaxed with my little’s and watched classic Disney films. Disney is pretty dark if you think about it.
OMG I stayed in bed on Saturday until 2:30 pm and I felt lazy but it’s something I NEVER do! So nice to give in to the uncomfortable.
In all the weekend was excellent.
Yesterday we began school again for all after Spring Break and it’s so hard to work and juggle the boys school schedule. Today is a new day and we try again. I have this! One moment at a time we will figure out what works.
I also realized how little money I have left. I already live paycheck to paycheck but this is hard since my side hustle job ended with the death of a great CPA to a shitty disease in February right before all this happened. I’m living on less but I’m doing it and I’m remembering that I am in school (even during this) to better myself.
Here’s to another day, indoors, living life during this pandemic. Superstar, each of us for getting through each day!
Did you know I have a rare condition? I do, it’s called FMD or Fibromuscular Dysplasia which is progressive twisting of the blood vessels throughout the body. Mine happen to be in my neck and other places that caused me to have a SCAD (Sudden Coronary Artery Dissection), which caused a heart attack. I’ve been doing good for a while BUT now I’m having migraines, ringing in my ears (you know like after you leave a loud concert), and angina in my upper back. I’m back on Nifedipine to help but in a way I think it’s making it worse. So, I’m doing what I need to in order to feel good. I need to rest more and practice calm. I need to make sure I’m putting good into my body. I need to exercise and not tweak my neck, oh there’s so much to do but I’m into living for the long hall so I’m doing it.
Because it’s been a struggle health-wise I have noticed two good things that have been a constant since I started blogging daily in a time of Covid-19…(1) I do my daily gratitude list before anything else each day and (2) I blog. I’ve made both these things in my day a priority so I will be adding my daily work out and meditation. Need to do these things. I also need to make sure I track my food so I’m eating good. I love to cook, I don’t like being lazy these days because I’m zonked from sitting at my dining room table most of the day.
Yesterday was another success! Work went well and I began to grasp math concepts that I didn’t think I ever would grasp. I also got to enjoy the sound of so much rain! Today is Friday and I’m looking forward to what this day brings. Sometimes in a time of Covid-19 we get to be reminded how precious we are and if we (I) am staying isolated to keep well I need to take care of conditions that already exist as well.
Here’s to another good day in a time of Covid-19. Until tomorrow.