Day 10 in a time of Covid-19…

Get ready…here we go…

My goodness, yesterday focused around the fact that I ate so poorly. Gluten is NEVER my friend but I couldn’t stop yesterday. I am still trying to figure it out. I really hated how it made me feel but I couldn’t stop. I feel so out of control internally right now. Like I don’t know which way is up. I know it’s day two of my monthly cycle but yesterday I just felt so powerless. Like anything and days before I do have a new day today. It’s the first time in my 44 years around the world that I thought “am I emotionally eating?”. I know I was lazy yesterday too. I made it into the office to switch out work but I fought to get my 5 hours in. Here’s to a new day…

I skipped my workout yesterday which means two today. I’m OK with that. One thing I noticed yesterday is that I’ve been keeping to my 5 days a week (ok really 5 workouts a week). I’ve been doing 5 workouts a week for 4 weeks now. That my friends is progress and even though I sucked on the food front yesterday I can say I am doing something good for me. I think, especially right now when being told to shelter in place that exercise is good for the soul. It’s at least keeping me going.

The boy skipped school yesterday, you know keeping in with my day. Ha! Seriously though, today he has a day of school to complete and tomorrow. Since I’m the teacher right now I gave him the day off. We also found out yesterday that the state of California is closing schools until the end of the school year (maybe this was my trigger for poor eating yesterday?). This overwhelmed this homeschooling mom because I, myself am a full time college student and I’m a employee as well. It’s hard enough trying to get the boy to stay focused but I have to arrange so much into my/our day. Today, not only is it packed with 4th grade fun but I also have school work to complete, a lot of it and 4-6 hours of work too.

Yesterday was hard and I’m not the only one having a hard time. My hope by blogging daily is to show others they are not alone. We are all struggling with this new normal. My silver lining for yesterday was my rent for April was paid. I’m grateful I was able to pay my rent when so many are not. I’m grateful I have my job still when so many are out of work. In this time of Covid-19 we need to remember the little things and even though I didn’t feel good about yesterday I did have some good. I did end the day watching Onward with my two kids. I ended my day surrounded by loved ones and I’m grateful we are all safe and I’m so sorry for all those who’ve lost people.

Until tomorrow….

See that? In the distance? It’s the Pacific Ocean. Beautiful. My view on my way home yesterday.

Day 29 – This is 44

For my 44th year I’m giving to me a ton of inside work. I’m no longer on any heart meds and my heart healed itself. My arteries well, my heart is a start. I’m seeing a doctor today to better me physically. I’m working on my PCOS because I refuse to let it take me over. I’m working on my self worth and will lose my heart attack weight gain. With PCOS this is hard for me.

I realized I’ve worked hard or overdid things in the past because I thought if I did I would be worthy of love or friendship but that’s not true. I’m worthy no matter what and I need to believe that.

The photo below of those amazing women was taken at my 40th birthday party and right before the darkest time of my life. Those women are still in my life and helped me through that dark time and we give to each other when we need someone and I love them and the many other women in my life.

Here is to 44 and the many adventures and growth and love and happiness and sadness and hope that it will bring.

Some of the women who loved me when I couldn’t.

Facts

Day 29 – This is 44

For my 44th year I’m giving to me a ton of inside work. I’m no longer on any heart meds and my heart healed itself. My arteries well, my heart is a start. I’m seeing a doctor today to better me physically. I’m working on my PCOS because I refuse to let it take me over. I’m working on my self worth and will lose my heart attack weight gain. With PCOS this is hard for me.

I realized I’ve worked hard or overdid things in the past because I thought if I did I would be worthy of love or friendship but that’s not true. I’m worthy no matter what and I need to believe that.

The photo below of those amazing women was taken at my 40th birthday party and right before the darkest time of my life. Those women are still in my life and helped me through that dark time and we give to each other when we need someone and I love them and the many other women in my life.

Here is to 44 and the many adventures and growth and love and happiness and sadness and hope that it will bring.

Some of the women who loved me when I couldn’t.

Facts