Today, not going to lie was hard. Today I didn’t wake up and get to wish the best five year old boy ever Happy Birthday.
However; I did make him the best amateur Lego cake and he loved it. I still got to see him.
My ex and I decided cake, dinner, and the new Jurassic Park film with our kids. I felt uncomfortable in the home I decorated and felt like a stranger there. It was a trigger. I get angry when I’m hurt or unsure of how to react and my ex shuts down. There was a falling out. It was truly my doing. I’m hurt, scared, and just received an apology about our marriage BUT I have a lot of work to heal.
It all worked out for the evening. We made it to the mall, bought the boy two pairs of shoes, we all ate dinner together, and a little boy cuddled me through the movie.
Life’s not what I expect it to be. A lot has happened to us both. I’ve found in Alanon I’ve become very bitter after the years and I really need to heal and really forgive. We aren’t bad people and our children are loved by us both and they’re really what matters. I saw that tonight. Despite my hurt I can heal through working on me and my kids can have two parents in different homes who love them to death.
Some photos of the boy and his amateur award winning Lego cake.