Well, I lost April 7, 2020 due to the epic migraine of the decade. My goodness. Nausea and all. It was brutal but today, with a migraine hangover I’m back.
A lot’s happened since my last doom and gloom post. I feel better about my relationship, I feel focused, and I know these times are uncertain, we are going through a pandemic.
So, little secret…I used to write and put all of me in my writing. I miss that. I’m starting on a article based on what was bugging me about my relationship. I think for some of us we have these thoughts about how our lives should pan out and if it detours then it can be a shock. However, I’m with a man who truly loves me for me and I need to look at why marriage was/is so important to me. I mean my ex husband gas-lighted me into a heart attack and then cyber stalked me into deleting my last blog and not feeling safe about posting anything online. I mean I also come from broken home so my examples of marriage aren’t good in the first place. I can’t wait to continue this journey and to look into the stigma of marriage. I mean research a little and you will see marriage didn’t start with love, it was a union to join families. More will be revealed.
I’ve also found that I’m way too hard on me even as we are all on lock-down. I need to remember not only am I an extrovert but the world is filled with us. There are a ton of us that need to be out there living life. Now, my outside life, work, school, etc. is all online. It takes more discipline to sit at my dining room table and do everything. It’s OK to get up and pace the house, it’s OK to take a walk (keeping social distance and wearing a mask) around the block, and it’s OK to have moments of not being OK.
Yesterday was lost to my head pain but today is a new day and I’m going to make the most of it. It’s also the first night of Passover so I will be joining my other half and his children and ex-wife for dinner. We’ve all been around each other so we are safe to dine together. Times are going to be much different for a while but it’s only temporary. Life does ebb and flow and each day is worth a new start…even in a time of Covid-19. Until tomorrow.
Did you know life and life’s ups and downs don’t stop because of a pandemic? True story. Yesterday and today I feel really sad. Letting go of what I thought would happen one day is hard. I cry when I think about it. Between that another situation I’ve said I’d let go I don’t know if my relationship will last for the long run. That’s being honest. Do I want to feel this when that person is someone I’m isolated with? No. The first letting go over time I can do but the second I’m not so sure. Time will tell and this sadness will pass. This is a total growth moment and ya know what? At least I’m forced to feel and work through it because I can’t run from my feelings by over doing it right now.
Yesterday I also took my final walk of the week with the boy. We took a walk each day he was with me. So nice to get out with no one else walking around and spend some time getting a bit of exercise in and the boy being able to scooter. Win/Win for us both. See some good too.
I notice lately I’ve been down more than up with my posts but come on, this isn’t a feel good time in history and this isn’t just hitting the United States. This is a worldwide pandemic and it’s sad. Just so sad. It will get better. That’s the silver lining.
My schedule for the week is ready, I’m focused on bettering me and it’s my alone week. I wonder the good that can happen. Let’s see. Until tomorrow.
Sometimes it will take a pandemic to show us what’s really happening in our lives or where we need to be. Coming to this realization though can feel bad but can be filled, with hopefully so much growth. I will be doing a lot of work on me this upcoming week. I’ve found out some things that show me I need to do more work. More will be revealed.
I’m grateful like yesterday and today my kids don’t need to see how I’m feeling. I’m present for them and that’s what matters for the two of them. They go back to their fathers tonight so I can have a night to be sad if I choose to.
I’ve done good though being good to my body with food. Still no gluten. Still eating healthy. Just for today. So today I leave you with a photo of my yummy and healthy egg frittata with avocados from a friends tree that finally ripened. Until tomorrow.