As most who know me my life drastically changed around March 2016. Due to my “event” AKA heart attack I lost a job and well lots of other whatever happened.
Fast forward to today. Single mom (In a relationship with a single dad who’s pretty awesome), working two jobs, and in school full time (did I mention I made the full time Deans Honor List?), with two rare artery conditions and I realize I am in not financially as I once was BUT….
Today I fixed my sons iPad screen, got my daughter her first facial at my favorite Organic Spa, and got us all some boba tea.
I’m tired a lot. I do a lot. Today though felt like a win. I know it’s not about money because money doesn’t buy happiness but both my kids needed things and I was able to take care of it.
We had a great family day out as well. Here’s some images of our adventures. Today was a total mom win.
I hate PCOS. Fact.
I was feeling good about losing some of my heart attack weight. I was down 10 lbs. of the 58 I needed to lose after the heart meds I was on caused rapid weight gain.
I didn’t plan right for a weekend and gained 7 lbs. Over a weekend. No joke and I don’t over eat. I just ate gluten like a dumb-ass. Here’s the thing, I’m also trying intuitive eating. Because of PCOS and all I’ve gone through I deprive myself…a lot. I’ve learned to live that way and for the most part it’s not an issue. I’ve learned through this experience that I just can’t have gluten. Even in little amounts. Gluten and I are not friends. We have to break up. My body holds onto whatever I eat with gluten, I don’t process it right in my body, I feel bloated and gross for days.
I also have on top of it all Reactive Hypoglycemia. My sugar will crash when I have sugary foods or foods high in fat. I never have high blood sugar just low. I think this is because of the gastric bypass I had in 2007. The surgery that didn’t cure the PCOS but helped. The surgery that I blame my health decline on. The surgery in some ways I’m still grateful for…even with these issues.
I’m NOT giving up. I’m writing this for those who may also struggle with PCOS, I need to be passionate about this again. I have body dysmorphic disorder and I can’t let it win. Know that the weight, though harder for some, will come off. I’m not, after all my hard work letting PCOS win. I’ve already pre-packed for a short trip to the mountains for the 4th of July…No gluten for me, intuitive eating, keto friendly, and living my best life even when PCOS wants me to feel horrible about myself, I won’t let it.
Until next time.
Year One of college is in the books. Okay, not until Monday when I take my final quiz for the Political Science class I can’t wait to put behind me. Still, I’ve received all A’s and B’s this past year and accomplished more than I thought I could.
I’m so grateful, so grateful that I’m doing this for me. In my past life I did for everyone BUT me. I put my ex through school because if he completed school we’d be okay, I over volunteered because if I wasn’t busy I wasn’t accomplishing anything, and I overworked because I felt if I looked successful I would be accepted more by my father and that I then would have escaped my lower middle class upbringing. So as you can see in my past life I was doing for everyone BUT me and now I’m doing this all for ME.
I’m doing this for myself and for my children. I want my two kids to know that you can start over at any time and that it’s OK to not be OK sometimes. It’s okay to grow gracefully and sometimes not so gracefully but in the end you are bettering yourself.
This past year financially has been very hard, I won’t lie but I know the payoff, when I’m done with school I will be financially secure again. I was at one point financially secure but I was working a job I felt I couldn’t leave and I was not in a happy marriage. Now I’m bettering me and it’s hard sometimes. It’s hard wondering if I’ll have all my bills paid, it’s hard to say no to my son when he wants new toys or wants to see a movie but I’ve also found that my children know I’m working hard for them. I’m a good mother, I really believe this.
So, today, this post isn’t about weight but it’s about the good. The good that comes from taking care of myself and I’m enjoying the process.
Until next time…be good to you.