365 of 42…Day 19

Before we get into the exciting and yet terrifying topic of today “Bonding with your boyfriends daughter” let’s just say the days seem to be going by so quickly and though I’m using this blog as a forum to feel comfortable with blogging again after all I went through, which ultimately, did lead to me deleting this blog I’m trying to also be more present for my kids. SO there may be gaps in when I blog but the ultimate goal….365 of growth, realizations and happy times in my beautiful life. I mean I’m so grateful and lucky to be alive.

Onto day 19 and bonding. I was asked by my boyfriends daughter to get my nails done with her. After some research (a text to her mom) we arrived at the nail salon and luckily even though they usually only take appointments they took us both! Score 1 for luck. They remembered his daughter from her last visit with her mom this past week.

Let me just say….how incredibly uncomfortable I feel and I know over time this will change. So many thoughts going through my head because I don’t want her mom to ever think I’m trying to replace her BUT I do want to bond with their daughter. It’s obvious her father and I care for each other and I want to be a part of their kids life too so they know as well I’m not trying to take time away from their dad. Just like her father has spent time with my children and I see how my ex feels about our son really warming up to my boyfriend. I so understand that one day when my ex meets someone I’ll have feelings of insecurity too. I believe this is normal.

I feel so lucky as well that my children and my boyfriend’s children both have parents that love their kids very much. I’ve seen other divorced couples and it’s sad when a parent just cuts out. Our kids will never have to worry about this.

Back to today. As I sit here typing this while she finishes her manicure and pedicure I’ve heard her discuss a fake fashion show she’ll be in today, how’s she is left handed, and when complimented on her singing it’s nice to hear her own that. I’m grateful she’s warmed up to me and wanted me to join her. My hope is one day I won’t have this fear that I’ll do something wrong or say something wrong. I hope one day my young friend and I can have some girly fun with no cares at all.

Our feet look great!!

I opted out of a manicure but these nails look nice.

Until tomorrow?….

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365 of 42…Day 2

Today I saw again how I’m good at just saying things are my fault and maybe it’s not a good thing BUT if it helps calm a situation then I seem to do it.

Co-parenting in our family is generally easy. However when both of my kids ask if they get a extra night with me because they’re staying at their dads tonight to celebrate Hanukkah with his family I’ve learned to say no. I’ve learned to explain it’s a special night and they will have special nights with me. I tried to make it work but it didn’t. This caused a boy to FaceTime me in tears and after talking to their father I told my son it was my fault, that I forgot cousins would be there and it’s a special night.

Growth…..it wasn’t my fault. It was a miscommunication brought on by me feeling bad about them wanting to be with me tonight. There’s times roles are reversed and the kids need to adapt to life.

So…going forward I will save a world of confusion and upset and I will explain that life has changes and that both parents value their time with them. I won’t complicate things. I enjoy calm and easy and today didn’t include that.

I’m grateful for the most part we agree on all things kids. I’m glad I can admit when I need to do things differently. I’m grateful for growth.

Until tomorrow…