I worked hard to start anew. Sometimes I feel I’m working too hard for the things I worked for before and before it took me to finally having a heart attack.
The good news is I know I’m worthy of good now. I know I deserve good and I’m doing the little things to get me to where I’m independent and feeling strong like before.
I’ve learned I want honesty, no secrets. I won’t accept having things hidden from me. I lived that and can’t again.
I feel free knowing this and knowing my worth though it can bring sadness when I see the good in others. I just can’t repeat losing me again for someone’s acceptance of me. For someone to want me.
That’s not repeating the past. Daily I feel a little stronger. Daily I see that even if I end up alone that I will be okay. That I’m doing the best I can.
I’ve not been good about keeping up with my blog. I felt trauma over my blog. Afraid to write how I felt and I used to have this amazing blog but now I struggle. After feeling forced to delete it I lost so much. Maybe this blog post will show someone it gets better. It may not feel good at times but there’s growth.
That’s the thing about healing. It doesn’t always feel good but each day gets a little better.
Until next time…
I was diagnosed with an amazing disease at 40. Micro Cardiovascular Disease. I got pretty bitter and did a whole lot of “Why ME’s” and got very angry at what my ex did right after my heart attack especially since I just had a heart attack BUT now….I have a disease that can end my life whenever it wants to & I want to live. I lost my blog that I loved for reasons that I don’t need to rehash and I think I finally found what I’m going to turn this blog into.
I want to blog about my disease and the good, the bad, and all in-between. This includes life and all that goes into it. There’s going to be so much and it makes me excited to blog again. My old blog began about PCOS and really grew and gave others hope. I want to give hope to others who may be moms with heart disease. We aren’t alone.
I was hospitalized over the weekend again with the reality of a possible angiogram again. While in cardiac icu I realized how angry I still was but I can’t be. It’s not good for me.
So onto Kat’s Living Adventure. So far my 40th year has been hard but I think it’s really been just to show me how strong I am and it’s not all been bad. I’ve had some amazing times this year and I’m looking forward to many more.
This entries photo is of the reality my disease sometimes comes with. This is sometimes my reality. Until next time which will be so soon….
I missed my blog and after some work with WordPress I was able to get my domain back and I just lost all that I put into my blog over the past 9 years.
I wasn’t told to end my blog or delete it but I felt threatened enough to do so.
However; I need this blog as a way to heal. My followers are generic, I don’t use names, and I don’t feed it into any social media. If people don’t like what they read they don’t need to read my blog.
I’m going to blog more on my living adventures and though they may be messy I’m growing. For instance I learned recently that you can meet someone who you can feel so comfortable with but because of the damage after multiple years in a past relationship you self sabotage any hope of that growing. I’ve learned that comes with regret but I’ve learned that even though it makes me sad I know that if I had that feeling again it will happen again. I’m learning how to move on as a single mom with a heart condition.
I don’t know where this blog will go but I know that I did so much with my blog before from PCOS support to yummy recipes that I’ve made Gluten & Dairy Free to the UPs and DOWNs of motherhood with a 10 year gap between kids to Heart Attacks and living with Heart Disease and yes, Surviving Divorce and starting to understand Depression when you don’t have it or understand it. My blog was so much more than me healing and I want it back. Even if for a bit I change the way I do it.
So stay tuned….I’m back and it feels good to have my blog again!