Author: Kat

Beautiful Mess, reinventing myself. It happens.

Scheduling My Self-Care Routine…

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On this 42nd day of my journey into blogging, I still need to schedule the daily things I do to make me feel good about myself. I even include my daily medications because taking my daily medications can be missed. I get too sucked in to “what needs to be done right now” and forget about what keeps me sane.

Since I get distracted easily, I’ve made my weekly schedule something I check off to keep myself accountable for taking care of myself. Part of this daily schedule is blogging. It seems to be something I often miss since I have not blogged for the past 12 days. What is that? The amount I’ve blogged over the past 42 days is more than I have in the past couple of years. That’s progress, not perfection, and a great example of growth.

My blog is part of my self-care. It is something that brought joy to me. My previous blog was about helping women living with PCOS to see that they can battle PCOS with grace, just as I do. I hope to get back to that. To get to be a forum where I can post things to help others and still live a fun life and share that part of me too. Finally, to continue to be honest that it’s not always easy. I’m harder on myself than anyone could be, and I hope that I can change my perspective on myself over time, doing these daily things to make me feel good.

Daily To Do Check-Off List:

  • Daily Alanon Readings & Some Writing
  • Daily Gratitude Email (7+ years strong with the same 5 women)
  • Start & End Daily Fast (If fasting)
  • Exercise
  • Clean
  • Blog
  • Meds
  • Alanon Meetings x2 per week

When in Nature

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I believe being close to nature is as being close to a God or Higher Power one can have. When I’m closer to nature, I feel this connection even more.

The full moon is Friday, July 23rd, and at 7:37 pm PST, it will be its brightest.

We can get grounded and centered by placing two feet into the earth and just being. I believe that the moonlight can be healing. I believe I’m most at peace in nature.

There is something about being deep within nature that quiets the noise in my head. The noise tells me I’m not good enough or need to do more to be a whole person.

When any of us have a way of being at peace, we need to embrace it…Often.

During this full moon, I will focus on meditating on where my passions lay. I will embrace gratitude and work toward feeling more at peace within myself. I will be good to me and remember my worth.

Until next time…

Grounding

It has to get easier

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Twenty-Nine days in, and I am still stuck in body dysmorphia. Why can’t it just be easier to lose weight? I get it, I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), FMD (Fibromuscular Dysplasia), and I am not twenty anymore. I understand it is harder for me than others to lose weight, but it does not make me feel any better about the situation. It is a hard day today, and here are some of the roadblocks I have found that I do in which the journey is even harder:

  • I feel punished. I cannot eat like other people because I am supposed to eat gluten and dairy-free. With PCOS, it is suggested not to eat a “poor man’s diet,” and although I find that term off-putting, the way it was described to me was not to eat white bread (high carbs), potatoes (starches), and high sugar fruit and snacks. I feel like I will never be able to eat these things, and then I do. It is not that I eat a ton, but even a little for me is too much. I have to remember I am not being punished for having PCOS and other medical conditions. There are people allergic to nuts and other foods, and they are not being punished either. I need to remember my body is just different.
  • I am too concerned with the scale. I weigh myself daily, which can impact my mood. I try not to but then, even when I am doing the right things, but the scale is not showing the results, it can make me feel even worse about myself. I realize I give this object too much power.
  • I have a drawer filled with the clothes I wore before my health issues began in 2016. I am not that same person from five years ago.

I am learning to be in acceptance which I see as an ongoing journey. I am making progress, not perfection, with the way my body is today. I have a partner who accepts me for me, and he loves my body no matter what, and he tells me that I need to see my body is perfect as it is. He means well, but this journey for me has been a long and hard one.

A new step I have taken to being kinder to me is I have just started the podcast “Body Image with Bri,” which I hope will help me be in more acceptance within my body no matter what I weigh or what size I wear.

Growth can be hard but without it you remain stuck and I want to grow. We only have this one life to enjoy.

Until next time….