Author: Kat

Beautiful Mess, reinventing myself. It happens.

It’s True…

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I suffer from White Privilage. I don’t have to worry about getting pulled over, I don’t get watched in stores, when I walk down the street people don’t walk past me in fear, I don’t worry about my kids being harassed. 

Is this right? No. 

No one should ever feel fear because of the color of their skin, what religion they are, or because of their sexual orientation. 

Hatred is taught. Small children aren’t born hating anyone. There’s a lot of hate on Social Media and the news today here in the United States. It isn’t just here. In multiple countries people are being killed, tortured, or persecuted because they don’t fit what extremists believe they should be. 

We need to support our fellow man more. When I say I don’t understand why things are the way they are I hear it’s because I’m a white woman. Why would I? That doesn’t mean I don’t care how others are treated and I don’t understand why people are treated so poorly or singled out. 

My grandfather was a racist. Out spoken racist and I grew up hating that about him. I have to remember he was taught Hatred and though that doesn’t make it okay it shows me how much hatred it taught. 

Today alone I read about American Nazis, a hotel requiring Jewish people to shower before entering the pool, and saw someone refer to a certain race with a word that is unacceptable. It doesn’t matter if I’m white or not. I know this is wrong. 

It’s sad that I fear posting this on social media because of the backlash I could receive or any hate commented BUT this is my blog and my right with free speech to post how I feel. 

To finish, I don’t care where you live or who you are…be kind. Treat all equally. Don’t fear what you don’t know. Don’t listen to hate. Don’t feed hate with more hate. Help minorities. Support Minority run businesses in your area. Just be a good person. A little kindness I believe can go a long way. 

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Once Upon A Time….She Was Type A….

Published on by Kat3 Comments

Once upon a time there was me and I was a Type A.

It was quite normal for me to work, take care of my ex-husbands practice, volunteer (over volunteer), plan in detail for too many things, make time to see friends, etc. and look like I was doing it all with ease.

Flash forward to today….since my heart attack I feel so disorganized.  Beyond even.  I don’t feel like the Kat I was.  I’m told to learn to accept my new “NORMAL”.  No, honestly I don’t want to accept this new normal.  I’m not thrilled that I have such low beats per minute at times that I am so tired, I hate that I forget to take care of things, I’m over not having patience like I used to, I resent that this happened to me.

However; it’s not always this way and I truly do try and stay in acceptance for my new normal.  I try hard daily to accept that I can’t remember things the way I used to, that one day I will find a new normal and lets be real…..My old normal wasn’t normal.  I over did it.  I took care of everyone BUT me.  My new normal will need to have balance and self care.  I had this A-Ha moment tonight that what I lacked during my old normal was self care.  I saw tonight that what I went through in my marriage and life in general it was a lot to handle without support.  I never asked for help.  I lacked self care.

So the thing that keeps coming up for this post is change.  Change is hard.  Change takes us to the other side.  Changing my beliefs of who I need to be to feel like I matter or that I’m a good person was so skewed that I lost me, snapped and became someone I wasn’t, started to find me and in the end trying to hold onto a relationship that wasn’t meant to be caused me to have a heart attack.  Stress, type a woman and I could have died.  I’ve learned new things about me through this change and I’ve learned and continued to learn that I’m good no matter what job I have, how much I volunteer, or what I do for others.  I’m learning outside of my kids and even before them I need to matter.  I need self care and need to let go of the type a person I used to be.

Until next time…

Johnny…For Fun & For Free

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Johnny is a homeless man in South Los Angeles.

Let me start by saying when homeless people usually talk to me it’s for money.  Let me also say that I’ve been having a rough time since 2016.  So when Johnny told me Monday that I looked like a teacher, pretty & studious I was taken back because he didn’t ask for anything.  He just reminded me to smile and have a good day.

Today I met with Johnny again.  I talked to him and told him what he said about me made my day.  I introduced myself and treated him like we should all treat people with kindness and took the time to hear about him.

I’ll leave my story with Johnny there and go onto For Fun & For Free….

We all have highs and lows in our life.  I’ve always believed in the kindness of strangers and being there for people in general.  I’ve struggled with this since my marriage ended and my heart attack because I’ve felt so alone.  I’ve been reminded lately of the following:

None of us are alone…It’s easy for me to isolate or hide from those who may call me out on how poorly I treat myself.  I’m told I’m strong and have handled things with grace.  It wasn’t always this way.  I’ve learned to be kind to myself again.  It’s a process but when I allow people to care about me or when I’m there for others then I and others truly aren’t alone.

There’s lessons in life…I felt my life wasn’t good because well, I’m unemployed right now and feel that it’s my fault.  This isn’t true and I put too much of my self worth into what I did for a living.  Outside of the worries of money (who doesn’t have those) I have a beautiful life.  I’ve learned to relax more, I’ve learned to trust my gut, I keep learning.  I believe maybe sometimes things happen for a reason.  That maybe I’m to learn to be good to me because for years I wasn’t good to me.  I over did things, I over volunteered, I took care of people who could take care of themselves, etc.

I’ve grown, we all grow…It’s simply just that.  I’ve walked through so much uncomfortable this past year and I think it’s made me stronger.  I’ve learned to forgive, I’ve learned to trust the unknown, I’ve learned to have feelings and express them without fear of someone running away.

It was a friend and mentor who reminded me of some of this good.  Reminded me how much I didn’t take care of myself in the past.  I didn’t see that.  I saw that the more I was doing the more accomplished I was.  I was running myself down.  Since 2014 I’ve almost died and had a heart attack.  All due to not taking care of me and stressing too much about life.

My friend is my friend for fun and for free.  We need to be there for others in this way.  I do admit that I felt abandoned by some that I was there for and I thought why be there for others when no one is there for you when you need them.  Then I remembered it’s because it’s who I am.  I enjoy strangers and I enjoy people.  We NEVER know what another person is going through.  We never know if someone just had a horrible day and maybe our smile or hello helps.  I’ve tried and continue to try and do random acts of kindness where I tell no one what I’ve done because then it takes away from the good done (in my opinion).

Back to Johnny, I want to continue to have my talks with him.  His circumstances are much different than mine.  He hasn’t ask for anything just someone to talk to.  I know some people may find it odd that I talk to strangers but I believe and won’t stop believing a little kindness can go a long way.

I have grown a lot this past year.  I got through some big deals and I did do it with grace.  I’ve been scared to blog.  I feel I’m not where my blog was before 2014 but today after Johnny I felt the need to blog again.  I’m not sure if it makes any sense BUT I do know that if I just keep blogging my blog will be again what it was.  It was something I felt so good about and I want that again.  It was nice to want to do something that was so much a part of who I was.

I leave you with little ways to do a Random Act of Kindness….

  • Say hello to a stranger
  • Smile at a stranger
  • Buy the person behind you some coffee
  • Put money in a expiring parking meter
  • Leave a letter in a library book just telling someone to have a great day
  • Let someone go ahead of you in line
  • Write a chalk message on the sidewalk
  • Get creative