It’s been known I’m a perfectionist. I’ve gone from a position in the work world of management to just an employee. For my health reasons this is great but I’m learning a whole new way to do things and that brings some humility.
Yesterday I sent a text to my boss (yes have a work phone) and in response to hers and I owned I’m not perfect. It felt so odd to just be happy and not right. Sometimes battles are not worth fighting. Sometimes we just need to say OK.
This isn’t just about work. It’s about life. How often I don’t want to look like I’ve done something wrong. It’s exhausting.
It felt good to be in that place. It was a bit liberating to not have to be right. Opening myself to change isn’t always easy but it’s good.
First I’m under no illusion I’ll miss some days. Life is in session. That being said I see that at times I still feel so damaged. When you feel like you do a lot wrong it’s hard to break that cycle when in reality you weren’t wrong. This isn’t a post to say or put blame on anyone. I’ve learned through this all that I made choices to allow my life to be a certain way but that doesn’t mean I deserved what I went through.
Flash forward to now. I’ve been so much better in so many ways but I know now there’s so much more work to do because I go back into feeling like I’m wrong and that I make things worse in my life which actually isn’t true. I’ve learned feelings aren’t facts and that I need to believe I’m a good person and not bad.
So today isn’t a feel good day but I know I can start my day over for the good. I didn’t use to feel that way and I’m glad that I have the choice to keep quiet and start my day again.
Until tomorrow or another day soon. My goal is to complete this 365 challenge and my hope is to do this daily but I know this won’t always happen and it’s okay because I’ve also learned life happens and I can’t always blog and that’s okay.
Since the “event” I’ve not had the urge to remove things from my car. I am so tired when I arrive home. I’m so good at cleaning it but in my trunk I’ve collected items that were meant to be brought in. I’m so tired due to the heart stuff so I just didn’t do anything but earlier today it hit me that if it’s been sitting there all this time then maybe I don’t miss it or need it. So the purge of 2017 happened and I donated most of it. Today I saw how freeing it was to let go of what I thought I need. So…they say Spring Cleaning is a thing and now it’s time to purge my home. Maybe not but I have good intentions. It’s like life, maybe we need to let go of what we don’t really need to feel lighter and free. Until tomorrow…