It’s no secret I am my worst critic when it comes to my body image. I’ve had to work a lot of how I see myself since gaining and losing 100 lbs. in a year from PCOS. Due to the rapid weight loss I have extra skin. I hate my legs and I always have a hard time buying swimsuits because I feel a normal size suit won’t fit me or my legs won’t look right.
It’s also no secret that over the past year I’ve worked really hard on my body image and I will wear tank tops with no sweaters and spaghetti strap dresses. This has been very hard for me but I want to be an example to others who’ve gone through rapid weight gain and loss that you can feel good about yourself.
Yesterday we went to get my husband compression shorts for running. There was a 50% sale on swimsuits. I decided to find one that wasn’t too big on me that I could wear while we are away with our kids in the mountains. I found only one that I thought could work. It was a size 10 and I was worried it wouldn’t fit. Now I wear a size 6/8 dress but swimsuits are always oddly sized I’ve found. I was so worried that the 10 wouldn’t fit BUT it did. .I even took this picture below of me wearing it. This is very hard for me to do but my size doesn’t define me. Neither does the way I feel my legs look.
I’ve found that I’m a good person. I’m a honest person. I’m a good mother, wife, and friend. I’m a excellent employee. I’m a giving person. I’m known to be funny. I’m a talker. I’m a so so dancer but I love to dance. I’m a person who loves life. These are the things that define me. The more I remember that the easier living in my skin is.
I’d like to say that I took a great photo of myself wearing my blue sleeveless dress today but that’s not the case. I can say I wore the dress without a sweater and that’s progress. I can say this photo of me taking a work break pool side of my legs would not have happened in the not so distant past and that would be very true. Again, progress. I can also say I like this photo of my legs.
It’s taken time for me to be comfortable in my own skin and I’m not fully there yet. I have my own story. I have the shame behind gaining 100 lbs. in one year and people can’t believe I was ever that overweight but today I share a image of me from then with two of my friends…
The me of then causes Body Dysmorphia issues for the me of now and I’m glad to say that lately I’ve realized most people will find flaws in their bodies. Yes, PCOS has made my body issues a wild adventure but I know many people have their own issues and demons they battle. I don’t want to let my insecurities keep me bundled up in the summer. I also know that 90% of the time what my arms look like really don’t mean anything to you. I’m my biggest judge. My goal is to continue not to care. My goal is to continue to enjoy girly clothes and enjoy the summer months like I should. It’s progress and I’m a beautiful work in progress.
I almost forgot about me. I was losing me more and more due to some issues and I didn’t realize they were so bad until I was in the hospital with my body shutting down. I think a lot of us try and fix everything around us instead of taking care of ourselves, at least I do. I want everything to look OK and not let anyone know there are problems. I forgot about me.
I found me again because I was becoming mean trying to start over and still have everything look OK. Through a little dance, a quick chance to runaway, a bath, and some time jumping on a bed I was able to have fun. Never forget to have fun in the middle of the chaos. Remember that if you aren’t 100% you are no good to anyone around you.
What are little things that you do to take care of you?